When to tell or not tell?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by sdcg76, Nov 21, 2010.

  1. sdcg76

    sdcg76 Member

    I have just started a new relationship and we are both really starting to click, my question is when or if is the right time to tell him that I have been so low I thought of killing myself? I told him that I suffer from depression and he's still sticking with me. And he has told me some major things about himself and I'm not going anywhere, so when/if it'll be a good time?
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Personally, I would never tell, or if I did, it would be years into the relationship. But that's me, and I'm thinking of my own relationship, where it would be very uncomfortable.

    I think it's an individual thing, and you will know if and when the time is right. I wouldn't plan it, I would just go with the flow. Eventually the conversation will come to a time when you will be able to fit it in, rather than planning to talk about it.

    I only told my boyfriend that I suffer with depression because I had a crisis and became so anti-social that I didn't contact him for about two months. I felt I had to explain that one! But there's no way he could cope with me explaining how bad it is.

    I know that's not very helpful, but I think it's something that's up to you, and everyone's thoughts on it will be different.

  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Maybe you don't even have to. Have you been seeking medical help? If not, get on it.

    But if you're still struggling, I think you have to tell him relatively soon. Maybe leave suicide out, feel it out with lesser problems like depression or even anxiety. A boyfriend can be an excellent source of support, you just can't lean on him too hard. If he rejects you for mental illness, which is a part of you, he's not right for you.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I think it's probably better for the relationship if you don't say anything; as it's not really necessary for the relationship to move forward.
    If you are seeking help and beginning to heal- continue healing.
  5. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    If you must tell him , you should at least wait a while because this is the sort of thing that could scare off a potential boyfriend/girlfriend early on.

    But like what everyone else said you don't have to tell him if you don't want to.
  6. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I told my boyfriend about one/two months in that I used to suffer from depression. Then 3 months in my depression came back and he's been wonderfully supportive ever since. That was four months ago. So if your boyfriend is worth it, telling him will be fine. Just do it gently.
  7. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i told my ex when i had a really bad low. i mean it was obvious something was wrong and he took it upon himself to help me get better. he is actually the reason i tried to get help. even after weve broken up, he is still around to support me and help if he can. so i guess if you tell him, make sure the time is rught and if he is really worth anything he will stick around anyways

    good luck
  8. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    I've been with my boyfriend for about a month and a half. He knew a lot about my past before we got together - now he knows everything. Literally everything. When I told him certain things, he had to try really hard not to cry and that shocked me a little.. He was really upset that I'd had to deal with all that. But the last thing he would do is leave me over it. I'm all for telling someone these things, but then I seem to be in the minority XD
  9. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    I was in a similar situation with my ex <---- not to scare you.

    He knew about it, I kinda of slipped it out as a joke and would mess around about it, which helped me too so I wouldn't feel so absorbed by the depression if you know what I mean. I didn't mope around we both laughed through it.

    I think you shouldn't keep it in because if it comes out in anger then that's not a good thing.

    I wish you the best with your relationship :smile:
  10. sdcg76

    sdcg76 Member

    Thanks everyone for your feedback and love! :IrishDoll: I'm more than likely going to tell him somewhere down the road. Yes he is worth it and I'm very thankful for him! Happy Thanksgiving all!
  11. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    If it were me, I'd want to know about it I think. Not because it'd scare me away, but I'd like to know who my partner was, and you can't know someone if you don't know something like that about their past. However, that said, I doubt I'd ever tell anyone about my past again. If the time's right, it'll happen naturally. I'm glad they're sticking with you knowing you have depression though, it shows they're not just out to hurt you, otherwise they'd have left as soon as they found out. :)
  12. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    If I was dating a person, it wouldn't bother me to know this about them after a month or more into the relationship. On the other hand... I would date a person for a long time before I told them.
  13. sdcg76

    sdcg76 Member

    I just wanted to post an update to say that Santa has truly brought me the most wonderful gift I have ever received:stars: I told him and he told me that I better not ever think about killing myself again, there is no need to because he's got my back!:moonwalk: Of course I know it's not going to be easy, just going to have to take it day by day, but it's an awesome feeling knowing that I'm not alone! :yay:
  14. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    That's great. Good for you.
  15. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Aw I'm so happy for you! :smile: