When too much is not enough

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by WhyMeWhy, Jan 6, 2008.

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  1. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I've no idea what to do. I have ingested chemicals, a heavy dose, but it's really not that much considering. The fact that I only want more is depressing and shocking.... I've been satisfied by less before. Now I just want to take more & then more. Oh I don't want to od. Opiate od's never work, I know from experience. But why is it not enough right now? My frame of mind must be screwy....something is definitly wrong. It's not my tolerance, that's not the issue...... it's the fact that this is how I'm choosing to deal with life and all that I'm going through. I actuallly wish that I had sopmething other than opiates. I could really use some benzos or maybe barbituates right now..... for the calming effect. Opiates never calm me, or rarely anyway. I'm gonna go, don't know what
    I'm gonna do.....dosen't matter anyway. I'm not having any fun, not right now, so I figure:

    If I take more maybe things will change.... after all, these pills are my only freinds in the world. Maybe I'll feel happy again if I find a proper dosage? If I were sober right now I'd cry.... thank heavens I'm not! Can't go around crying all the time-that's not what I'm about-no matter the circumstance.
     
  2. sorrowstealer

    sorrowstealer Member

    If I take more maybe things will change.... after all, these pills are my only freinds in the world

    "only friends in the world". This world is an awfull big place. What about everyone here?... we are all your friends. As long as you are here, you are never alone. :hiya:
     
  3. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    Why thank you.... but the thing about coming here is I feel "out-of-the-loop".... like it's one big click and I don't really belong. I don't feel shunned... I feel misunderstood. My posting here all the time is just a way of being out-going..... I don't feel like I make a big difference here, I just don't know. I know I let everyone know about me..... but does that mean you actually know me? Or does it mean that all you know about me is what I let you know about me? Very confusing. :yes:
    I never even considered trying to get help from the site to get off drugs. I didn't want to burden anyone. I'm not a "heavy" user, but I am a user. I figure that alone would drive most people away from me.... and I see the mods watchin me from a distance..... like I'm crashing the party, because I was never really invited.
     
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