I've no idea what to do. I have ingested chemicals, a heavy dose, but it's really not that much considering. The fact that I only want more is depressing and shocking.... I've been satisfied by less before. Now I just want to take more & then more. Oh I don't want to od. Opiate od's never work, I know from experience. But why is it not enough right now? My frame of mind must be screwy....something is definitly wrong. It's not my tolerance, that's not the issue...... it's the fact that this is how I'm choosing to deal with life and all that I'm going through. I actuallly wish that I had sopmething other than opiates. I could really use some benzos or maybe barbituates right now..... for the calming effect. Opiates never calm me, or rarely anyway. I'm gonna go, don't know what I'm gonna do.....dosen't matter anyway. I'm not having any fun, not right now, so I figure: If I take more maybe things will change.... after all, these pills are my only freinds in the world. Maybe I'll feel happy again if I find a proper dosage? If I were sober right now I'd cry.... thank heavens I'm not! Can't go around crying all the time-that's not what I'm about-no matter the circumstance.