It's anger talking people... Come on, we've all been there before at some point. Myself, many times... Anyway, person I want to address what you said in the order you said it. I've been 'you' at previous points of my life, and actually, have even shared many of your current thoughts, though through the eyes of anger and incredible pain. Difference is now, I'm able to bite my tongue and think about more of what I say before I say it. And that took years of practice btw. Can I take a moment to say about all the awesome people on this site who put up with me in the past also? Yes I can and will, so thank you
What you described is similar to how I view my life, it's not that far from reality for me I don't think. I guess the difference is, is that I have no self esteem issues anymore and absolutely know that I'm 'worth it'. It's just the world/life doesn't seem to want to share that back, so I know where I stand and where I am. In other words, I take the view with the world in general, that, it is not me, it's you. I don't get what I'm worth, and would gladly leave this world in a heartbeat. This IS hell for me personally.(OMG, here come the comments... Please be gentle lol)
But to answer both your title and question, "What would you do?", well let me tell you what I've done and what I do. I'm going to give it to you straight; to be honest, in the current times we are living in this world, I don't think people really know what 'honest' is anymore, and often ridicule or throw away those who do. You WILL suffer if you take that honest road in life, which sounds like something you are no stranger to already. Many people 'think' they're honest for example, but what it really is is just 'their version' of honesty. For example, I found a dollar on the floor of my work once and was ridiculed for asking if it belonged to anyone, instead of just pocketing it. That's because many people have different versions of what 'honesty' is. Same thing with God, or love.
But what do I do? Why do I keep going on even if I think the world and my life is a lemon and most likely always will be?(Thanks Meatloaf. No, it's a good song, you should check it out seriously if you like his music). Well, in a nutshell, because I feel it's the right thing to do and I want to continue to do that until I can't anymore. No land in sight, no water in the desert, ya I know all about that. But I keep going anyway I guess, because I'm either really stupid or it's because it's just who I am. I Guess I like a challenge, lol. And many people don't get that or laugh at that, whatever, I'm used to it. But you also find as you 'keep going down the road' that maybe you were more important in the long run than you thought, which yes is extremely hard to see when you're in a lot of pain. "I'm on a mission", in other words, even though I don't always know what that mission is all the time, I do plan on finishing it. But, keep truckin', and I'm sorry about your pain. You can talk to me anytime. See you at the finish line