When well-meaning advice becomes cruel and abusive

[Lady Wolfshead]

Like telling a paraplegic with a heart condition, whose dream once was to be an Olympic runner: Follow your dream! It's not too late!

Yes, it is too fucking late. It is highly improbable if not impossible to achieve anything remotely resembling your early dream, and you may die trying. Move on.

Just because sayings like "Follow Your Dream" are promoted by our culture doesn't mean they are true, or kind, or good advice. And then we use the one-in-one-thousand people who succeeded against all odds as an example. That's just cruel. What about the 999 people who failed? Who lost everything. Who are homeless, broken, destitute from trying to follow an impossible dream.

Go ahead and develop new, more achievable dreams, but don't kid yourself that your childhood dream is within your reach, unless it realistically is.

Ignore the rah-rah crowd. Chin up! Stiff upper lip! It's exactly the same type of advice. It's Ideology not kindness. And the same people spouting it will blame you if you fail rather than give up their beliefs that such advice is ill-considered.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Not sure how to respond to this post as I am in the disabled category and have a huge bias in this topic about being realstic after being told so many times I am not allowed to dream big including driving a car. Being told "cant do this" from my own parents, teachers who disliked me etc...That alone was more damaging versus my failures to succeed for what I wanted to be because I did not try to follow my dreams as I believed I cant for a while.

How do we know unless we tried it? What specifically are you trying to tell that paraplegic person with a heart condition to be an Olympian? We have Paralympic Games.... and there are medications and some heart conditions are treatable with excerises, diet and/or medications.

It is MORE cruel to tell people they cannot versus they can follow their dreams if they put their minds to it. I have been in that shoe.

Cheers.