When will I stop hating myself?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by googonz, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. googonz

    googonz Active Member

    I don't hate myself for what I look like, in fact I am rather pleased with my own appearance, and I don't mean to brag but alot of cute girls do look at me at school. It is the inside of me that I hate. I don't know why but I just feel like I am an asshole inside all of the time. I am completley aware that I have alot of mood swings, and sometimes I can hold a grudge over one of my friends for like a month.

    This started ever since highschool started. Am I just being pubescent latley? Am I just stressed out? I don't think that I am doing bad in school, I get mainly A+s, with the exception of algebra3.

    I don't know when this will stop, I am pissed off at myself for being someone I don't want to be and I can't help i. Recently I just found out that I was NOT gay, thank god, and that I was a heterosexual, thank you dear lord. And that was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but for the past few months, i guess I am just realy pubescent and the homrones are really flowing.

    I apologize for all of the disorganization and stuff in this post, I don't feel like editing it, I am just pissed off at myself for being an asshole all of the time and I can't help it.

    When will it stop!!
  2. elliebelle

    elliebelle Active Member

    You seem to focus a lot on the sexuality and I get the feeling that is what's giving you a lot of problems. Even just questioning it as a teenager is very hard to deal with especially if the people around you aren't accepting of it. Hormones make things a lot more difficult to. As well as breaking away from what we've been taught and forming our own ideals and opinions. You may be straight, sexuality is sort of a scale and not necessarily as concrete as it's made out to be. You can be straight with the occasional same-sex thought. It's very possible to like both as well. It took me until 23 to totally figure out what I wanted. I lived as (mostly/kind of) straight in high school, lesbian for 5 years before realizing that I'm actually interested in men as well (backwards process I know). I hope no matter how things turn out for you that you can learn to be proud to be who you are no matter what because none of them are wrong and it is possible to be happy and have many of the same things regardless of your lifestyle. I wish you the best.