When will it be enough?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Slinkybinky, Dec 12, 2007.

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  1. Slinkybinky

    Slinkybinky Active Member

    I hate what I have become-a lying,sly,caniveing cheat, all due to an eating disorder which probably started during a violent and emotionally abusive marriage.

    I am struggling big time with my relationship with my parents and theirs with my ex and can't stand who I am-I feel fat and ugly like I'm of no use to anyone and really low. I am currently 112lbs which I know at 5'10" is not as huge as I feel but never the less I am fighting thoughts of dropping lower every day.

    It's almost like I am continuously having arguments with myself every day-Is this all part of ana or is something else going on? I know I suffer depression/anxiety aswell but this is getting ou of hand now-any advice?
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hi Slinky

    Firstly, let me tell you that you are NON of the things you think you are. You are a kind, caring, loving, supportive person who is simply struggling at the moment.

    I can understand you having a problem with your parents relationship with your ex. To be honest I would feel exactly the same. Even though they have been friends for a long time.

    You are NOT fat. I knwo I could sit here and say it for the rest of my life and you wouldn't believe it. But you are not fat. I just checked and you are underweight hun.

    I don't have any experience with eating disorders but from what I have read etc everything you have just said seems to be normal. You are suffering from quite major stress and depression as well at the moment remember. I also know that this is a particuarly bad time of year for you. Add all of that together and it is understandable that you are feeling the way you are feeling.

    I am here for you ALWAYS.

    Love you :cheekkiss
     
  3. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    wow, sounds like you are going through a rough time. I know that the reason you are here, is because you care otherwise you would not be here trying to find a better way to do things. I hope that you can relize that at 112 pounds, u are far from fat... but dangerously skinny. I hope you can take a minute, and think about that. If you dont find some sort of fight in you to relize that, you are going to end up very very sick, and could possibly die.. I hope you relize that you are worth while, even though what is going on in your life right now is very hard to deal with. I will be thinking about you... and pray for you.. to heal physically and emotionally and develope into a healthy person..
     
  4. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    :sad: I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is... however at 5'10 and 112 pounds, you are so far from fat I can't even tell you. I hope you can see this before it is too late, because you truly can not possibly be fat at 5'10 and 112 pounds. Please be careful, and come back here with any thoughts... I'd hate for you to get into what's nearly impossible to get out of. :hug:
     
  5. Slinkybinky

    Slinkybinky Active Member

    Saw my therapist at the end of last week-she isn't picking up on the weightloss because I hide it but I really thought I'd be able to tell her how I'm feeling but I just didn't-I think i actually want to starve myself now until I can't get any smaller-i just want to dissappear into thin air -it would be better for everyone that way.
    I am supposed to be identifying my underlying beliefs about myself over xmas-how joyous!! I am no one I am worthless and a shell of my former being,I'm not even sure who i am or who I want to be anymore.
     
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun, you are far FROM fat!! and i could of told you that when i met you! It wouldn't be better if you just disappeared. Especially not for Sam or anyone else. I really don't know what to say but please try and tell your therapist the truth. The only way to get the proper help is to be honest with the people trying to help you :hug:
     
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Slink,

    You really do need to talk to your therapist hunni. I know its hard but you need to.

    I love you and am always here :hug:
     
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