When will it end?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Zueri, Feb 19, 2007.

  1. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    When will it ever end? I TRY to make myself better, try to take everybody's advice...but NOTHING works anymore...All I can think about is killing myself...

    I'm a waste of oxygen. I'm a messed up person. All I can think about is my own pain and myself. I want to be a good person...want to help other people...but whenever I try, I fail miserably...on occasion even make them feel worse...

    I can't do anything right anymore...Even the simple stuff, ie cooking and cleaning, goes wrong...Everything I touch ends up broken or flawed.

    My family hates me. My dad claims he loves me...but I'm starting to doubt that. The last time I got a compliment from him was 8 months ago I think...He doesn't see any good in me...and I'm starting to think there is none. All I'm good at is making him even more miserable.

    Ever since mum died, he's been telling me I'm a screwup, and that I'm lazy and egoistic. My grandfather also says the same thing about me...He told me I'm a slob and will probably end up begging in the streets...
    So much for an encouraging family...

    I just want it to end...
    Everyday I pray that I'll find my death...but I never do.
    I plod onward...
    I don't know why I can't just take me life.
    It would solve so many problems...

    And no, nobody would miss me. I only have one or two friends that actually care about me, and they probably only do so out of charity. My mom's dead...so I'd be joining her. I'd be doing pops a favor, too, by removing myself from his life. I know all I do is mess it up anyway. The rest of my family would actually rejoice in my death, since they think it's my fault that mum died.

    Damn it all!

    I hate life. I want to die.
    All I do is go to school and work.
    Yep, my day goes like this:
    1. Get up.
    2. Get dressed.
    3. Go to school.
    4. Come home.
    5. See if there is anything in the fridge left to eat.
    6. Do homework.
    7. Help pops with marketing.
    8. Do chores...(Laundry, dusting)
    9. Try to fall asleep.

    Wow, looking at that, I'm life a robot. Every day runs like that...NO changes.
    I just want to die.

    I WISH my existence benefitted anyone, but I know it doesn't.
    All I do is endlessly mope around, and drown in self-pity. I don't deserve to live.
    I'm a complete mess up.
    I even hallucinate.

    Someone just kill me...I'm too much of a coward to do it myself...
  2. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I don't care about you out of charity Eva. You're my friend and a good person. Tears whell up in me everytime I see one of these posts from you. I just don't know what to do. I always mean it when I say I would take you in. So you would know everyday you are loved. You're my friend and I love you Eva. I just don't know what else I can say.