When will it get better

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by terri j, Jul 9, 2016.

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  1. terri j

    terri j New Member

    I am a mother, wife, and attorney. Because of a variety of life situations, we are in bankruptcy. I have three kids, two of whom are fine, one is a nightmare. He has emotional issues, and at 19 still lives at home. Most of the time he is warm and loving, but every weekend, like clockwork, he spirals into a pity party largely centering around how we have let him down. Right now he is in the middle of one of these situations, and that is when I most feel like ending it. He makes me experience, in gory detail, every way I have failed him, no matter what I do. I've been dealing with this for years, and am just tired of it. My husband is useless, and we are preparing for divorce. Apart from my job, which is good, nothing seems to be working in my life, and no matter how hard I try to dig out, it either gets worse or stays awful. Now who's having the pity party. I'm seeing a therapist, just started, but I haven't told her about my son. Thoughts and advice would be appreciated, but right now it just feels good to say this stuff to someone else.
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I am so glad you are seeing a therapist. I hope you will get comfortable and share the situation with your son. I would just really encourage you not to blame yourself for your son's situation. While I have never had children, I was one once. And I have certainly blamed my parents for many things over the course of my life. This includes both good and bad things. But reality is that all parent's mess up. It is only human. Children need to realize this and make it their responsibility to make any changes in their lives that are necessary. There is no magic pill or formula. Life takes work. But at 19 that is very difficult to acknowledge. Please don't give up hope. With age, a bit more wisdom will come to your son.
    encourager101, iam and suzi like this.
  3. terri j

    terri j New Member

    Thank you for your support, you are, of course, right. I find that I look at situations from two perspectives, emotional and logical. Logically I know what I have and haven't done, and what the realities are about his situation, and mine. Emotionally, though, I am so very sad, and am tired of being so very sad. I just want peace.
    encourager101 likes this.
  4. suzi

    suzi Well-Known Member

    I can't think of any advice. Of course, I've never had any children. You are not any worse than any other parent who has made mistakes. I am hurting for you, and I want peace for you.
    encourager101, SillyOldBear and iam like this.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @terri j I am sorry your son is putting you through this. Maybe your son needs counselling so he has sort through his issues. I am not a parent but I do sometimes blame my mom for things that have happened to me when I was younger so I can relate to some extent. Maybe even counselling for yourself to help get you through this. Sorry you are having a rough time and am glad you reached out to us here.
  6. encourager101

    encourager101 Member

    Thanks for being willing to share with us, I'm sorry you are hurting so much, and am glad you are going to therapy. Is your son open to going? Maybe it would be easier for him to talk to someone on the phone? I know how either one or both of you can have a free (yes, free!) phone conversation with a licensed counselor: call 1- spammer. He/she will offer a sympathetic, non-judgmental ear, and could offer advice, if you want! Focus on the Family is an organization that offers this FREE phone consultation. Just make sure you call between 6a-8p Mountain Standard Time. And if no one answers, leave a message so someone can call you back. Hang in there! You can do this! We are here for you!
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