Ok so here it is I am one year out from my gastric by pass I have lost over 230 pounds I should be happy right? Wrong I am not I thought when I had this surgary it would all get better if I could just get skinny. Well fact of the mater is it has just gotton worse, people that I thought cared about me have turned there backs on me oh you have changed you are not the same person, no not on the outside I am not on the inside I am still this messed up ass person that can not figure out which way is up and which way is down. In April I spent a week in the hospital I had a complete break down they increase my depression meds and put me on anxity meds 3 times a day is it helping lol that is funnie now I am just depressed and druged up. they say get some help so I call to get back into threapy and thanks to the great meantal health system of Cincinnati there is a God knows how long waiting list to get threapy in the mean time it is left to my primary care doc to medicate me. I want to know when is it supposed to get better I am at wits end with my kids and I dont even want to start on my relationship with my husbend that is a whole nother post in itself.I am attached to a pole 234 hours a day as I can not eat on my own any more nor can I keep fluids in me so my doc has me on a feeding tube and hydration threapy all of this was not supposed to happen I feel like when I was fat I was healther then what I am now it just never ends and I so just want it all to end the suffering the hurting and the feeling alone in this world .Ok sorry for ranting I have not been on here in awhile but I just had to vent as it seems there is no whare elese to do it at.