When will it stop?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lifeisbollox, Nov 24, 2014.

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  1. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    Getting on for 44 and life still isn't getting any better. I'm at a cross roads. There is nothing left but guilt, and I've done f all wrong. How much more am I expected to endure before it's justified to leave?
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know that feeling of having never done anything to anyone on purpose but getting all the grief none the wiser. I think you should hang on and get in with the professionals if you have not already :hug:
    Is there anything in particular making you feel this way?
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just offering a listening ear if you feel like talking. What's been going on that's left you feeling so bad?
     
  4. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    I don't even know where to begin, but after abuse as a child, parents not giving a shit, twin sister dying, father dying, brother dismissing me for no reason, mother stop talking to me, best friend sleeping with my boyfriend and my other best friend accusing me of online bullying, which was so untrue. I'm left with some major illnesses which renders me disabled yet apparently capable of working. 24/7 major pain and no one, and I mean no one, there for me. I never leave the house and I have no one to talk to. Call me old fashioned, but when there's nothing to live for.... There's nothing to live for?
     
  5. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    Oh and Petal... I've had professional help. The first one constantly clock watched, the second said leave the past in the past, get over it and the last one agreed, when the shit hits weekly, how can you recover from the past. Trust me, it's weekly. A break would help... I'm a non-celebrity get me the fuck out of here!
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Let me just say this.... the professionals you have seen should have gotten the sack, that is a disgrace. In therapy you should feel comfortable, relaxed and believe that they want you to feel in a good safe environment to open up. I would not give up if I were you, ask a friend, cousin, anyone if they can recommend a good quality therapist with high credentials.

    No giving up!!!!!!
     
  7. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    I have no friends. No family except my son and daughter, which I'd never burden and as for help... I've tried, seriously tried. Some folk are blessed with luck, well I have the complete opposite, give me a scenario. .. I'll give you an example. I'm told I am strong, well even I can take only so much. I'm struggling to justify my pathetic existance. Cos trust me, this ain't living.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know how it feels it to existing and not living and I also believe that everyone can only take so much before they hit their limits. But you are here and talking so there is hope. I think you should talk to your son and daughter, if you do it may help and they may want v to help, if you don't then maybe you will never know. I don't think you have anything to lose by reaching out to them. How old are they and do they live nearby?
     
  9. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    My daughter is 21, married and with a baby. With whom I've just had to save from foster care (I can see an unfortunate pattern forming. She has post natal depression) to which I was then informed my opinion of my granddaughter being force fed cold milk, freezing cold and having the bare minimum of care was unwarranted... even though I had to be completely open and honest to protect my granddaughter. I was left feeling worthless and unappreciated, even though I sacrificed everything to stop my granddaughter being taken into care. My 18yr old son is just that. If I can secure him a home... I'll not be missed.
    My daughter once agreed that my daily pain wasn't worth pursuing, therefore. .. sooner I'm gone the better.
     
  10. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    My daughter is 200 miles away.
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry your post is a tad bit confusing, you told the social workers the truth and what the conditions for the granddaughter was like? If that is what you are saying you are a damn strong person, a lot of people wouldn't go against their own family. That makes you special, you care about her baby.
    You may be feeling this way now, but do these feelings come and go or stay as is all the time?

    Edit: Oh wow 200 miles away...I would stronly suggest getting a new therapist!
     
  12. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    You misunderstand. I didn't tell the social worker, I'd never betray my daughter. I keep an eye and pray I've not made a mistake.
    I've felt like nothing all my life, highlighted by my twin sisters death at 23. She died of meningitis, but wrote in her diary she wanted to die. She grabbed her opportunity, and I resent her for that.
    My daughter is 200 miles away, I have no therapist.
     
  13. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    Oh I see your confusion. I told my daughter in an attempt to help and give advice before the social services noticed. Her husband wouldn't back me, even though he was the one force feeding her (the baby) he did this through watching his wife. I'm just praying that although my thoughts weren't wanted, my granddaughter is ok... which I truly believe now, she is. My work here is done.
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think you might have actually been helping your daughter that is not betraying her, just my opinion but that's betraying your grandchild. Your grand daughter needed you to speak up. I'm not blaming anyone but your daughter has post natal depression and you have depression, usually with post natal depression they will just assess the situation and then choose an option, to be left as is or care until the depression is gone. Because it's post natal depression they would have given the baby back soon I think. Again I'm not placing any blame that's just what I would have done in that situation but at least you were keeping a close eye on things which is the most important thing.

    I am so sorry about your twins death, that is terrible, cannot imagine how you must be feeling and it's very sad what she wrote in her journal. May she rest in peace. I'm thinking that perhaps depression is genetic in your family? In the genes.

    1 more thing about your last post I'd be making sure for 100% that child is safe and abuse free if it were my grandkid. Babies are so precious and gentle and innocent, they do not deserve to see the evil of the world this young.
     
  15. lifeisbollox

    lifeisbollox Member

    Thanks, just what I needed to hear. I came here looking for answers... I got them.
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I REALLY am sorry if I have offended you, I just love children and would do anything to protect them. I have a diploma in childcare and child psychology. I just feel strongly about things like this. Please do not take it personally, I feel terrible now. You have your granddaughter to live for and much more if you look around.

    Again, I am sorry :hug:
     
  17. Bart

    Bart Banned Member

    lifeisbollox,

    It strikes me that you are a very caring person, judging by how you've done your utmost to care for your granddaughter, whilst at the same time not wishing to rock the boat. Your daughter is very lucky to have you and I think she and your son in law need help at the moment that you are able to provide. Kudos to you for staying the distance!!!
     
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