I am abandoning myself so badly. I don´t do any of my obligations or of my hobbies. I don´t go out because of my social phobia. It´s friday night, I wish I could be with my friends, but I can´t. I can´t even hardly type because there is a vacuum in my head, like if I had no mental content, no ideas, no thoughts whatsoever. But I still have feelings. And I feel completely depressed and desperate because its been two years consecutively that I´ve had this social phobia that impeaches me to go outdoors. I´m like a robot and, moreover I´m sucking my family´s energy because they feel bad when they see me like this, doing nothing.My mom called me a psychic vampire. Not that it hurt me, but it illustrates what I´ve become. I am unable to do any activities with others. At the moment, I´m admitted at a mental hospital, where patients with mental problems do group therapy, a bit like what we do here in SF. I hardly go there because of this inability to speak with others. Seriously, I can´t bear this anymore, there is no end to this. I just can´t live with this problem, it overwhelms me.I wanna die so badly every second of my infernal existence. I need a way out, just show me a place where I can escape, somewhere where I can hide from this tortuous existence. Just let me feel ok for just one f**ing minute, then I´ll gladly accept feeling desperate again.. but just give me that minute!