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When you family suggests you commit suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Will Cuppy, Jan 15, 2013.

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  1. Will Cuppy

    Will Cuppy New Member

    I would say that I've suffered from 2 slowly debilitating diseases, neither will kill me, but I suffer great pain, and it will never go away. I take meds, and sometimes have moodiness. I also can't travel and work, but find happiness online and friends online. Still, I need my husband to take care of me, and that is the problem. He's burnt out. He's tired. He loves me, but he sees as we age, his life is being stuck with me. In a way I feel I owe him a suicide. He could then move on, enjoy what is left of his life, and not be broke from our endless medical bills. Even with in in surance we pay over $5,000 a year. That's a lot of travel and fun he could be having.

    Part of me, I owe him for all the happy years he gave me. He has been to every doctor appointment, even surgery, he's been there for the birth of our children. He supplied a nice home, a car and clothing... everything so I have not had to work. But it recently broke. He saw something he wanted, and he's been saying stuff like 'You know, I would like to buy something sometime." He's seeing how much his hard work is just to buy stuff for us, not himself ever. He paid for the kids college, he has kept me alive, he can't enjoy what his coworkers enjoy because of me.

    So when I asked how I could help him, he was "Well, we could divorce, I've been withyou for 20 years with your illness, and I perhaps have 20 years left. I'd like to be on my own, to enjoy what I've given you for 20 years" He's depressed as he knows in a divorce, he'll lose half of everything. It's like he can leave, and step away, be OUT, but he'll still have the financial burden. I frankly love the man. I want to give him that happiness. HE's made me truly happy, given me what life I have had, for 20 years. Withouth him, Im looking at a nursing home or home care in a small apartment. I'm looking at no pets (I've loved our pets) I'm looking at eating alone, being alone, seeing people only when it's time for them to help me. All my stuff, the computer and writing and people that make me happy... all gone. This lovely middle class life, gone. He knows the costs of someone else taking care of me.

    I want to give him the gift of my suicide. I want to give him, 20 years of happiness like he gave me. He thinks this is a good idea. No, not being a jerk. Not at all. He said thinking of me being alone or in a home, makes him sad. He gets if I were dead, he would get over it. He could look over the good years, the times he felt proud of taking care of me, when I could still do some stuff. When the medication didn't make me so moody. He wants to remember the happy years and keep some pride in what he did. I also don't want people saying "oh he left you, he's horrible". I want him to be seen as someone good (which he is).

    So we're talking suicide. TO make it all end on a happy note. I won't have to live without pets. I will die with happy memories. He can grab what is left of his life, and be happy. Together, not happy, with my suicide, one can be happy and I'll die with the good memories.

    I don't see anything wrong with it. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. I figure I need to talk to others. I know other people will illnesses that have chased away their spouses so they can be happy. I don't want to do that.

    Also does anyone know if he can divorce me and I can give him everything, and then let the government pay for my health care. THere is a part of me that is "maybe I would make friends at a nursing home. Maybe things would be good." But can I get a divorce and he has not part of having to take care of me? If I can figure out a way that the kids would not blame him, and would remain close and love him, I'd rather go to the nursing home and maybe find some way to be nice and meet friends and do some good. Who knows? I love doing stuff for other people. I like to find people online that need a joke or someone to check in. It's something that perhaps one of the children could pay for me internet and a computer, and life would still be worth living.

    I've lost the love of my soul mate. He's in favor of a suicide, so no one thinks he's horrible, and I also want that. But part of me clings to "well maybe I could do something good." Part of me is packing up all my stuff for Goodwill, and collecting my pain meds. He's pointing out I have so long to do this, then the divorce no matter what. (But I do need to find out if I can divorce him and give him everything and have no claims). Either way, time is limited and I need to make a decision fast. He's willing to help with the suicide, but not with the figuring out if I can divorce and not be a charge on him. If nothing else he says I have to make sure the kids don't blame him.. .suicide or divorce. Honestly we both get, he's counting on suicide. The divorce is just a scare tactic.

    But I'd like to find out.. and visit a nursing home. The state one for people without money. I thought I might evenlie to the kids and tell them I"m dead. Because I don't want their pity or their father being hated.

    It's all very hard, I have so little time. Anyone know about the divorce question? I don't want to spend any more of his money to go to a lawyer to find out. Thanks, I'm not depressed, just simply it feels good to perhaps help my husband who is depressed.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your family is so wrong to suggest such a thing hun not when there is another path for all involved to live Talk to y our lawyers hun if that is what you want to do but in marriage is the vow not say to love in sickness and in health I am sure you would not ask your husband to committ suicide if he was ill. You deserve half of everything ok you raised your children not him you gave as much to the marraige as he did so don't be so quick to give everything up.
    Look into different living arrangement ok My relative has someone over to come live with her a caregiver from another country it is cheaper to have someone come into your home to live then to go into a nrsg home here. There are many ways to get you support so your husband is not burn t out hun Look into what your community has ok community care
    You do not have to give up your life to give him the life he wants NO that is just not right
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Quite frankly I'M SPEECHLESS! and let me tell you (as will most of the forum) that doesn't happen very often.

    What this man is actively doing is killing you so you won't be an inconvenience :mad:
    I can see he's done right by you over the years, and yes, caring can wear a person out; but to actually expect you to kill yourself for his convenience is tantamount to bloody murder! :mad:

    You need to speak to someone close to you about it this, the guilt you feel is colouring the way you look at this outrageous demand.
    Of course you can still have a life, friends, family and bugger his selfishness.
    I know what you are saying, he has sacrificed a lot, but we marry for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health; not until someone wants us dead.

    Personally I'd tell him to go ahead with the divorce and be damned!
    Oh, and make sure you do get your money, he can always make more, you cannot not!
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