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When you feel better only at the very end of the day....

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#1
Fuuuuuuuck. Every day, I wake up depressed and struggle to get anything done, and then by the end day, for about an hour I feel OK. If I could shorten that time down..... what I wouldn't give.
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#3
What do you think it is about that hour? Is it just that there's nothing on your plate? Do feel better on weekends/holidays as well?
It’s a combination of many things I suppose, which I try to replicate with little success for effectiveness which is why I appreciate the talk through.

Like:
* The coolness of the evening
* I’ve found some sort of palliative for my physical pain and anxiety. Lesser pain is definitely a big part of it. It takes a long time to address all my conditions.
* The relaxation of being at the end of the day: less stress. The pressure is off because it’s the end of the day. Even if you were to start something you’re not going to be at it a long time.
* I feel more clear headed
* I feel more creative

I should say: THAT’S NOT ALWAYS THE CASE. There are many days when the end of the day is as bad or worse, but there is a trend when the cool night is more relaxing, more freeing. Getting to that tranquility more quickly than at the very end of the day would be a game changer.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
Yeah, it was the replication I was wondering about. The less stress thing I get. That's an adjustment most of us probably wish we knew how to make in everyday life. If you in general feel more yourself at night, can you shift your schedule at all to see if you can take advantage of more of that time?
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#5
Yeah, it was the replication I was wondering about. The less stress thing I get. That's an adjustment most of us probably wish we knew how to make in everyday life. If you in general feel more yourself at night, can you shift your schedule at all to see if you can take advantage of more of that time?
I used to be a journalist and usually worked late, sometimes overnight, and I loved it. But I can’t go back to journalism. I have chronic pain, it pays too poorly and with ocd covid makes it impossible. I became a software engineer and have been doing that already for three years now, so there’s no more adjusting.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
I used to be a journalist and usually worked late, sometimes overnight, and I loved it. But I can’t go back to journalism. I have chronic pain, it pays too poorly and with ocd covid makes it impossible. I became a software engineer and have been doing that already for three years now, so there’s no more adjusting.
Do you have be logged in at specific times for meetings or scrums or something? I definitely wish I could work more of a '2nd shift' kind of schedule, when I was in college I would often work 1-10 and loved it, but I have too many meetings during the day preventing that.
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#7
Do you have be logged in at specific times for meetings or scrums or something? I definitely wish I could work more of a '2nd shift' kind of schedule, when I was in college I would often work 1-10 and loved it, but I have too many meetings during the day preventing that.
yeah i do. there are several meetings throughout the day. I’ve accepted that’s the job. I’m rejecting this is life.
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#11
Ah, yeah. That I definitely understand. I've only recently stumbled over that hump myself and it's still trying to trip me up. You *are* worth it though.
Yeah, if I met me I would gush about all I’ve done and tell me I have so much to live for and try my hardest to convince to stay. But no matter how much I put me into an outsider’s perspective I don’t care to live.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#12
Yeah, if I met me I would gush about all I’ve done and tell me I have so much to live for and try my hardest to convince to stay. But no matter how much I put me into an outsider’s perspective I don’t care to live.
It's probably worth reminding yourself as often as you can those things. The things you would tell someone else if they were you. That's the kind of thing my therapist is always on about - that if you say the positive stuff enough times rather than the negative, it can help you believe it eventually.
*hug
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#13
It's probably worth reminding yourself as often as you can those things. The things you would tell someone else if they were you. That's the kind of thing my therapist is always on about - that if you say the positive stuff enough times rather than the negative, it can help you believe it eventually.
*hug
I appreciate that, I do. But that’s what I’m saying, I can’t get through to me.
 

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