First post here, but just wanted to see if somehow writing it all down helped to make any sense of things! Have felt that life is not worth the effort for some time now and have been to see my GP and Social Worker who have been great but can't really tell me anything I don't already know.......establish a routine, get out more, take up hobbies, reduce alcohol intake, give meds time to work etc, etc, etc. If only it was that easy. Even when I spend time with others I feel just as empty and worthless, usually feeling much worse as the reality of my life by comparison with others is more apparent. Last weekend I decided to visit family to see if that could give me a reason to stay.........all it did was reinforce how invisible I am and I ended up using it as an opportunity to say Goodbye, although they do not yet know that. I have tried to see a light at the end of the tunnel but I can't continue feeling this way. I can't work, can't pay my mortgage and it's only a matter of time before my whole life collapses around me. It's so hard to pretend to people that I'm OK.......my one close friend is I feel at the end of her patience with me so it's easier now to say how much better I am feeling whilst inside I know all I can think about is how to put an end to this misery. I have a plan and a date set.......maybe there will be some some of life changing experience before then? Yeah, who am I trying to kid......spent years believing that.....no more.