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When you know you will be like this forever

#1
Hi friends....I have this gut wrenching feeling that I will be living this way for the remainder of my life, however long that may be (I am close to 63).....one day suicidal, one day suicidal but not as much. For instance, yesterday I had a pretty good day, today I want it just to be over. Anyone else feel this way, that you will never have that ‘normal’ feeling like others (or in my case like I used to have) where you just get up, enjoy the day and cherish it, not saying it just want it to be over so I can go to bed’.....despite all you may have as far as friends, family, money, etc....life is just one big freaking struggle,
I know I need to live by the one day at a time rule but boy this stinks,
Thanks.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
I have accepted that the suicidal thoughts will always be a part of my life. At some point I switched my focus to how to deal with them vs how to get rid of them. They aren't as intense as they used to be, and they don't hang around as often. They still come and say hi though. Sometimes only for a few moments, sometimes for hours. I can't tell you why they don't want to go away, but I can tell you the more I focus on them the more emphasis I put on them being there, the more persistent they are. I know that if they get really bad, I can tell my friend that they are really bad today. I don't have a magical answer, but that's what it's like for me.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
i am how i will always be both physical and emotional heath and probably worse as time goes on. getting old sucks. i have suicidal thoughts every single day. sometimes mild and i can dismiss them easily. sometimes more serious like today and i have to fight extra hard to not end it. i kind of agree with @Nick i don't try to get rid of them anymore i try to handle the thoughts. most of the time i can make my mood great. guess we have to accept things the way they are and fight to make them better...mike...*hug*shake
 

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