When you say 'if you ever want someone to talk to', do you really mean it?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by gloomy, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Here's what I think about people who say this:

    -some people are severely lonely (emotionally disturbed guys with low self-esteem) and think that other people (sad, damaged, vulnerable girls/women) at the end of their rope are probably too desperate to reject them like everyone else does. It still happens.

    -some people really do mean it, but when faced with the reality of it, realize that dealing with other suicidal, depressed people is far more difficult than they thought and wish that they hadn't offered.

    -get creeped out/put off for various reasons after the first time someone makes contact with them and surprise surprise, isn't exactly charming-- either tell themselves that the next one may be different or realize that depressed people usually have too hard of a time thinking about anyone but themselves.

    -are too wrapped up in themselves to really mean it. They think they mean it when they say it, but also privately know that they're just saying it because of some momentary rush of empathy for people they think they should have something in common with, but ultimately don't. Also, may get upset when they realize that they're supposed to listen as well as talk.

    So yeah, basically my point is that just because someone is depressed, it doesn't mean that they don't suck as much as other people/are somehow more willing to put up with your shit.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    its not that easy.
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    I have to say I kind of agree with that
  4. bleedingrage

    bleedingrage Active Member

    ....yeah, pretty much sums it up. If you ever want someone to talk to, im here.
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I really do mean it. Maybe it's because I have nothing better to do most of the time, or maybe it's because I feel comforted knowing that other people can relate to what I'm going through, or maybe it's because I feel that I actually might be able to help somebody else, which would make my own meaningless existence somehow meaningful.

    I realize that I'm not going to be able to relate to everyone, I might not be able to help them, and they might even say something to piss me off... but I wasn't born yesterday. I've dealt with all of that before. I do the best that I can, and in the end, if it's not good enough, I move on to someone I can help (and who can help me). I realize that you are extremely cynincal about... well, basically everything and everyone... and there is some validity to that attitude. But not everyone fits into your neat little generalizations. Some people are a bit more complex than that. And some people actually are capable of empathy. I know it's hard to believe, especially if no one has ever shown you any. But just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

    "To outright reject an idea outside one's field of knowledge is the sure mark of a fool."
  6. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I'm not rejecting anything-- just stating an opinion… and opinions aren't always concrete.

    Of course I've experienced empathy-- everyone has. But it has limits… and I also think that some people, especially depressed people, think they have empathy when in fact they only have self-interest.
  7. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Well, if you think about it, empathy IS a form of self interest. You can't feel empathy towards someone unless you have experienced what they are going through. So by helping them, in a way you are also helping yourself.

    And honestly, I think when most people say that they're willing to talk to someone, it's because they themselves want to talk to someone. I came here looking for friends who would be supportive of me when I needed support, because I wanted to talk to other people who could empathize with what I was going through. And many others come here for the same reason. I have made a couple of really good friends as a result, and I know that I can count on them to lift my spirits when I'm down, and they can count on me for the same. Isn't that what talking and human relationships are all about? Interacting and sharing and getting to know others? Part of the reason for my depression is the fact that I didn't have any friends - and now I do, so that's one less reason to be depressed. Maybe it doesn't work for everybody, and I'm under no delusions that I'll be able to help every single person that I talk to. But if I can even help one, and I make a friend in the process, that kind of seems like a win-win scenario to me.
  8. primrose

    primrose Well-Known Member

    If I say it, I mean it.

    Quite honestly I come on here and other forums and read what some people have wrote and what they read for and could quite honestly sit and cry, it is so sad and so wrong for so many people to feel so bad. I genuinely feel like that.

    Most of the time I will sit and read and offer no reply for fear I may say something wrong or be misread and push people over the edge. But sometimes I think how I feel when I receive a random pm, visitor message or just a reply to a post and I take a chance and offer.

    When I offer I know it is a big thing for me as I'm pretty crap at offering advice, can't even sort my own life out let alone anyone elses.

    I can understand some people would just automatically offer an ear. But I think a big chunk of those that do.... do mean it genuinly.

    What has to be remembered though is people are on forum's for a reason. And although they might be feeling ok enough to offer themselves one day, they may have a hard time a few days later and struggle to be there for anyone at that time. Hope that makes sense!