When you think those around you wont be affected...keep reading

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mackaroni, Dec 1, 2012.

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  1. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    I am currently 29 years old and live in the United States. Since the age of 16 I have suffered with depression, anxiety etc. Over the years I have engaged in several self destructive behaviors such as drinking alcohol, binge eating, self-harming, and drug abuse. I even attempted suicide a few times. I thought after each attempt that no one was affected or cared so it wasnt going to stop me from doing it again and again. Last January I attempted again. I was in the ICU for three days and then moved to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. I was there three days when I got the phonecall that changed everything.....

    My mom called to tell me that my little sister who was 24 had attempted to take her own life was on life support in the same ICU where I just had been. I felt my heart being ripped out of my body and never felt so terrible and sadness just overcame me. I thought I had felt low before, but this was the lowest I had ever felt. I asked to go see her but my request was denied.

    This was my sisters first attempt and her last. Her attempt left her with permanent and irreversible brain damage. She lives in a nursing home and will need the 24 hour care for the rest of her life. The first time I saw her awake she couldnt even hold her head up. She can no longer see us and is deaf in one ear. She will never start a career, get married, or have children. Her life and everything she ever wanted is gone. We are grateful that she is still here, but its sad.

    Once I felt that sadness that I have never felt in my life I finally got it. I finally understood that what my loved ones went through and thought when I made my attempts. I had never been on that side of it and I realized that I had to make a change. I never wanted anyone to feel what I felt when I understood the devestation that my sisters attempt caused.

    I realized that my parents could not basically lose their own two children. I didnt care what it took when I felt that low I would not hurt myself. I would not go there. If I have to tape myself to a chair until the feelings and thoughts pass I would. I was not going to my let my family lose me too. I still have my bad moments as anyone with a mental illness will, but I find a way to make it through it without making the situation worse.

    So when you think no one loves you, no one cares, and no one would be affected by your attempt or completion of suicide please think again

    Take good care of yourselves!
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I''m so sorry and sad for what you are going through. :hug:

    Please continue to take good care of yourself. Come here and ask for support any time. PM me any time. I'm glad you are still here in one piece. Be safe.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun Thanks for your post hun for sharing Here also hun if ever you need someone to talk to hugs
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Yours is an important story to tell.
    I lost my son to suicide, I know how empty a parent's life becomes after, but too the lives of my other son's who must cope with this loss. Like you, one of my remaining son's was heard to say that he understands now why he could never do the same - because of how much he see's that it hurts his family and self.

    Hang in there, man.
  5. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Thanks for sharing. I feel really sad because I have no job, and money is running out. I want to die, but talk of it makes my husband afraid. If I kill myself, it would hurt him so.
  6. Jojojo

    Jojojo Member

    I'm so glad you posted that. We hear about suicide usually when someone has taken there life but we rarely hear about the people that are left paralysed or disabled when they haven't died through hanging themselves or overdosing.

    Your story is heartbreaking but if just one person reads your post an is deterred from taking their life then you have done a wonderful thing by posting it on here.

    Wishing you peace and love in your life. X
  7. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    This is so sad. I'm very sorry about your sister. I truly am. This is inspirational. You make me happy that I've made it through so far :)
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your sister :hug: My sister is also suicidal and has attempted twice, so sometimes I feel guilty for feeling this way....but I'm still here making it through everything, and I hope everyone else can find a way through what they're dealing with.
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