I am currently 29 years old and live in the United States. Since the age of 16 I have suffered with depression, anxiety etc. Over the years I have engaged in several self destructive behaviors such as drinking alcohol, binge eating, self-harming, and drug abuse. I even attempted suicide a few times. I thought after each attempt that no one was affected or cared so it wasnt going to stop me from doing it again and again. Last January I attempted again. I was in the ICU for three days and then moved to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. I was there three days when I got the phonecall that changed everything..... My mom called to tell me that my little sister who was 24 had attempted to take her own life was on life support in the same ICU where I just had been. I felt my heart being ripped out of my body and never felt so terrible and sadness just overcame me. I thought I had felt low before, but this was the lowest I had ever felt. I asked to go see her but my request was denied. This was my sisters first attempt and her last. Her attempt left her with permanent and irreversible brain damage. She lives in a nursing home and will need the 24 hour care for the rest of her life. The first time I saw her awake she couldnt even hold her head up. She can no longer see us and is deaf in one ear. She will never start a career, get married, or have children. Her life and everything she ever wanted is gone. We are grateful that she is still here, but its sad. Once I felt that sadness that I have never felt in my life I finally got it. I finally understood that what my loved ones went through and thought when I made my attempts. I had never been on that side of it and I realized that I had to make a change. I never wanted anyone to feel what I felt when I understood the devestation that my sisters attempt caused. I realized that my parents could not basically lose their own two children. I didnt care what it took when I felt that low I would not hurt myself. I would not go there. If I have to tape myself to a chair until the feelings and thoughts pass I would. I was not going to my let my family lose me too. I still have my bad moments as anyone with a mental illness will, but I find a way to make it through it without making the situation worse. So when you think no one loves you, no one cares, and no one would be affected by your attempt or completion of suicide please think again Take good care of yourselves!