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When your abuser is suffering and in pain...

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Aurelia

I'm. Not. Like. You. I. Just. Fuck. Up.
#1
So my grandmother, who was an abusive fuck during my entire childhood and adolescence, is now quite old (90), and seemingly in constant pain and agony from old age and whatever diseases and conditions come along with it, in her case. She lives a floor above me, so I constantly hear her moaning and groaning in pain, when she falls down or whatever else. This morning was one of those times, and she was crying out in pain for over an hour, maybe two, calling for my mom (who lives on the very top floor, two floors above me), and my mom didn't hear her. Now, I could have picked up the phone and called her to let her know what was happening, but I didn't. Because in my opinion, she deserves every ounce of it. So I kept listening to her suffering and smiling on the inside. Some might think that makes me a crappy person, and they can think whatever they want. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't...and to be frank, I don't care because she's managed to help fuck up my life up in unimaginable ways. And now...she's getting what she deserves.
 
#3
In my experience, there are a few kinds of abusers. There are people who don’t know any better, people who “can’t help it,” and people who consciously choose to be abusive because they simply enjoy cruelty. From stories you’ve told, your grandmother is the last type. So fuck her, I’ve got no sympathy.
 

Aurelia

I'm. Not. Like. You. I. Just. Fuck. Up.
#5
In my experience, there are a few kinds of abusers. There are people who don’t know any better, people who “can’t help it,” and people who consciously choose to be abusive because they simply enjoy cruelty. From stories you’ve told, your grandmother is the last type. So fuck her, I’ve got no sympathy.
I assume with the first kind, you mean people who sometimes act in a manipulative fashion due to mental illness, and don't realize that they're doing it, or can't seem to control their emotions enough to stop doing it?
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#7
when you don't forgive someone it is your heart that you're marking.
I understand the sentiment here, but I think it's OK to not forgive someone. Sometimes people are abhorrent and don't deserve it. They just don't. I do understand what you are saying though... to forgive someone else means you are also forgiving yourself. And symbolically, that's lovely, but maybe you don't need to forgive the other person to get there.

That's my personal belief. And yes I have not forgiven certain people for their words/actions and have moved on OK. No scars here. And I've forgiven people who just continue to push the boundaries and screw me up even more. Not worth it.

And by the way, I mean that with all due respect. I know you approach things differently than I do.
 
#8
I assume with the first kind, you mean people who sometimes act in a manipulative fashion due to mental illness, and don't realize that they're doing it, or can't seem to control their emotions enough to stop doing it?
Yeah, that’s a good example of what I mean. Or maybe a parent who takes “discipline” too far because they were raised a certain way and legitimately don’t realize it’s wrong. Basically, people who are trying to do right, but fuck it up along the way, or who can’t foresee the results of their actions.
 
#9
Not excusing anything but there are probably many reasons why she did what she did, a lot of them not of her doing/out of her control.


I'm always amazed at how much people are willing to go though, whether spending years in prison or getting old WELL past their
prime, to keep on living, suffering to the bitter end.

I've promised myself to not outlive my teeth which by some miracle have survived 30+ years of very little care and no dental visits. (seems to me like a small miracle)
 
#10
I had a Grandmother that was committed to a mental institution in her thirties and often wonder what she might have done while I was in her care when I was real young and don't remember.

It doesn't help that my Mother was the type that coddles but doesn't really use care like she should have. (probably was more caring about her hair than her children) Considering that, I wondered how I survived childhood.
 

Nick

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#12
If it were certain people from my past, I'd likely do the same. I'm sure some might see that as cruel or cold, but if they had any idea what we have been through at the hands of these people they may change that tune. Given what I know about what your grandmother did, and I'm sure I don't know the half of it, I can see how you might view current circumstances as karma of sorts.
 
#13
when you don't forgive someone it is your heart that you're marking.
My family has put up with my crap for so long.
(it's mostly unintentional, from my condition)

Knowing they'd better off without me kind of
helps me be willing to go.

I truly hope they can forgive me, see it's for the best,
and move on to better times with me gone.

NO 'it's a wonderful life' here. (lived for myself too much)
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#14
It's good to hear such people suffering. Nowadays , people are so unkind and unemphathetic, they used to abuse weak and helpless people like me. I have extreme anger towards those who bully, harassed, humiliated and ill treated me till today. I am severely cursing all of them to suffer terribly one day because of their bad karma.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#15
So my grandmother, who was an abusive fuck during my entire childhood and adolescence, is now quite old (90), and seemingly in constant pain and agony from old age and whatever diseases and conditions come along with it, in her case. She lives a floor above me, so I constantly hear her moaning and groaning in pain, when she falls down or whatever else. This morning was one of those times, and she was crying out in pain for over an hour, maybe two, calling for my mom (who lives on the very top floor, two floors above me), and my mom didn't hear her. Now, I could have picked up the phone and called her to let her know what was happening, but I didn't. Because in my opinion, she deserves every ounce of it. So I kept listening to her suffering and smiling on the inside. Some might think that makes me a crappy person, and they can think whatever they want. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't...and to be frank, I don't care because she's managed to help fuck up my life up in unimaginable ways. And now...she's getting what she deserves.
Payback
 
#16
You know, there are many reasons why people act unreasonable.

From a having bad gut to environmental toxins, the list is so long
you quickly realize we're all just a product of our circumstances.

It's hard not to blame the product and except that those that act
in a bad way are in a bad way due to these many things they had
no control over.

I guess this is where the 'judge not' adage comes from.
 
#17
You know, there are many reasons why people act unreasonable.

From a having bad gut to environmental toxins, the list is so long
you quickly realize we're all just a product of our circumstances.

It's hard not to blame the product and except that those that act
in a bad way are in a bad way due to these many things they had
no control over.

I guess this is where the 'judge not' adage comes from.
We’re talking about someone who intentionally and happily caused intense emotional pain to children for no reason other than because she enjoyed doing it.

So, you know what? It turns out I’m perfectly okay with judging some people.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#18
We’re talking about someone who intentionally and happily caused intense emotional pain to children for no reason other than because she enjoyed doing it.

So, you know what? It turns out I’m perfectly okay with judging some people.
That last line, definitely. I am OK with such myself, and have done it in my life with some.
 
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