When your realize you're too scared to do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Angelo_91, May 20, 2009.

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  1. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Most of us have probably felt this. I wanted it to end so badly, a few days ago. I mean if I live so alone already, why put myself through the pain of just seeing other people live such better lives. It kills me inside, to know how empty I am. How I have nothing, nothing to offer to this world. Not even a decent character to display. It kills me to have dreams. Having a dream and having that feeling of euphoric possibility but then eventually seeing it get washed away. And then falling deeper. I hate school. I hate it. It depresses me so much, just to go and see other people with all their friends that they can hold onto. It even hurts more to see couples walking around. The only thing that made life actually seem worth it was being in love but after years when you watch every second yourself of love dieing, there is really nothing to believe in except false hopes and overthetop dreams.

    I wish I could stay alone forever, so I wouldn't feel this pain. Ive tried to change, maybe not hard enough but enough for me to say... "Fuck this, not like anyone cares about my life." I feel so empty and Ive tried holding a knife to myself, tried to end it but Im too scared of the pain, and the deeper emptiness that comes with it. And the self-created anxiety in my head that puts me down even more. I know probably resting will make me feel good, but never better.
  2. I can relate to what you're saying.I'm too scared of actually ending it all.
    Maybe that's some sort of message from within saying that we need to rethink what we're focusing on.
    that maybe somewhere out there, there's some hope.
  3. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    I think I'm in the same boat. I'm not supporting people killing themselves, but I'm not going to stop some one if they no longer have a will to live. Having a will to live is like wanting to get the beer from the fridge. You know you want it, your body knows you want it. But you know you don't have to have it. You know you want to die, but your body doesn't want you to. But your mind no longer has a will to live. <Mod edit-gentlelady-methods/encouraging suicide>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2009
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Or try holding on with the support of members here that do care and undertand how you are feeling. It takes more strength and courage to keep going then to just give up. But just posting here shows that you want to atleast try. So hold on to that need. Your instincts that your body responds to are those that force us to thrive no matter what. A truly hard thing to fight. But there is a reason that we have the survival instinct hun. So try to get some help with your feelings and thoughts. And resting may not make you better right off but it's a start to finding solutions to your feelings. Please keep posting and stay safe for another day. Maybe it will be the one that you find those thoughts not so strong.
  5. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I've been there :( Ugh, it's horrible. I don't ever wanna feel like that again! I hope I can stay out of that particular pitfall...
    In the meantime, you have us brudda <3
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