when your support is gone/going

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    when you have something that helps you go on day to day when its with you, are you scared of what you will do when your without that said thing?
    It could be anything, but when its gone are you scared?
    For instance, i'm petrified of being left alone from stephen, ok he has his bad annoying points, but he's keeping me stable, but we both need space, but i know i will crash when he goes. its not an if, its a when. i dont know how to keep going without his constant support :sad:
     
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    My support left me a long time ago. There is nothing I can do. I hope for death. I still have enough in my future to keep me alive for the immediate future, but not enough to live for... and it might be about to fall through, besides.

    My advice: get a method you can depend on, and get your affairs in order.
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Maybe start looking for other support for when he is not there?

    I coped for a long time without anything and know I will do again, and it can be hard, but its a case of taking each minute at a time. After the period of adjustment, it often gets easier.

    It is scary to face losing whatever it is that helps you stay stable, and I really feel for you. Maybe talk it all through with Stephen and come up with a plan for what you will do when he's not around? Might help you both feel better.
     
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I know how you feel. I broke up with my girlfriend a year and a half ago, my main support (my main support has always been girlfriends). I have been with girls since, but I still have not gotten over the loss of this girl that happened so long ago. She was an angel :(
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i know it might terrify you right now but when you do break up maybe you'll feel differently. i know i'm a very different person than when i was with my ex gf who i admit, wasn't a 'constant support' at all, but contact. i did find myself falling when i realised how alone i was, i was and am depressed but a lot of me is working all the time in trying to figure out how to keep going because i get my meaning of life from everywhere. but when you're alone, and frightened and scared and need love and comfort, and you're hurting, i can completely understand your fears :hug: i've been feeling it recently and it's terrifying .
     
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    we arent braking up, i feel stupid for posting this now :sad: just being apart from one another, we spent the last 3years living together and he was my main support through those years, and now i'm back home in my mums and i hav truely just reached the end of my stamina to saty here, but he's keeping me holding on and i've not spent any time away from him in about 3 weeks now, and its looking like he's going to be going to his home(with his mum) and i'll be staying here in my mums, and i know ok he'll be back, but i'm scared i'm going to do something stupid. like my moods go mad when he's not about,
    i dont know maybe its all fickle and stupid, i'm just worrying to much i dont know
    oh and sadly i have no other reason to live. i came across this in therapy too, you know how your supposed to get better for oyurslef? well i'm gettig better for him, not me. and its something i have to 'work on' but i see no point being here for me
     
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    it's completely understandable your moods go all over the place when he's not around, if he calms you and makes you feel loved, if you feel you can't stay at home. :hug: i can remember reading your feel unsafe in your house. is he something stable for you to hang on to? because you sound frightened if he goes, and that's okay to feel. i know the feeling well and it's terrifying so terrifying.

    you say you're staying alive for your boyfriend and maybe that's a good reason in itself for now? maybe you see life in him and he offers you comfort and safety which are things that you might feel yourself one day when life isn't as unbearable as it is now.

    i'm not sure if any of that helped but i have heard you and i do empathise.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with scum, that you should start looking for other support when he's not around..You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket..It's great that you love him that much but you do need other people in your life..Is your mum much support for you?? Maybe join a support group..At least try to keep yourself busy so you don't end up isolating...
     
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    thank you both for your advice, and i do agree with it all in theory. my mum, she's not a good support hence my dilemma in needing one when he's not around. my mum says theres nothing wrong with me, and causes me more stress as she shouts alot, and sadly being as weak as i am, i cant handle her shouting, wether at me or my brother or anything.

    as for support groups, it has taken me 4 years to get medical help for everything, i have no support groups around me here, and i cant travel on my own due to anxiety and i can barely go out, so this is my issue
     
  10. WillST

    WillST Active Member

    You once said I was better off without relationships and I believed you.
     
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    well if i didnt have this relationship i wouldnt be in this possition would i?
     
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