When your sweetie pie is gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SadDude1980, Mar 27, 2008.

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  1. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    You ever have someone you get so attached to, it feels like you're stiched to them? So that when they're gone, they're not just "removed" like some appendage but like when they leave part of your body has been ripped off too?

    How do you replace the things they did with you? Replace their role? You get so used to them and so dependent on them when they're with you for a longer and longer time. Pretty soon, you figure they'll always be there. It's like since the beginning of your memories they've alwasy BEEN there even for things when they weren't.

    And when the day comes that they're gone, you realize that your whole life that revolved around them, even if you're arguing and bickering, has just had a black hole shot into it.

    I'm sorry I'm posting so much. I just hurt really bad. I'm at work, I have to go in 5 minutes and I feel like I don't have the strength to make the commute home. Hah, "home". Not even our home, but my parents.

    I'm getting treated like a maniac. a Criminal. For that reason - the injustice, the mistreatment, the slander, the taking shots with everyone she can talk to - I'm not going down without a fight. HELL NO.

    ... although it still hurts bad. :( I thought she was my friend.

    Guess I'll go home. In the new home I have, I won't have internet for awhile, she took the wireless network adapter I had so I'm gonna have to wait till I can afford one. Sigh. See you guys around tonight, maybe.
     
  2. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    i only read those three sentences and i just cannot wait to type this. i know exactly how you feel. i dont know how to deal with it either. i guess one could say im just being in denial but i just dont know how to deal with it. i know how you feel, at least your not alone.
     
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    find replacements.

    other things that make you feel good.

    but i haven't gone through exactly what you're going through though.
     
  4. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    so i doubt if you will ever come back to read these replies, but id like to open up too. how are you dealing with it? honestly im indirectly denying all this bothersome things and yeah. when i force myself to realize everything it just smacks me in the face. i honestly dont know how to deal with any of this. do you?
     
  5. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    I'm not dealing with it very well. I'm in my parent's basement, back when I was living where I met her. Same room. It's so cold down here. Cold and lonely. I know my family's upstairs but I can't face them.

    I'm done here alone, drinking.

    Drinking and listening to songs that reflect the sadness I feel are how I cope. Sometimes I look at other women to try to feel better but it makes it worse. There's no substitute.

    I'd have to replace her with another person but I don't even know how to do that. Meeting her in the first place was just like... I dunno. I never figured how how to meet girls/ladies and I still don't. And just MEETING isn't where I'm at right now. I need someone deep who likes to just lie in bed for all of saturday morning talking and not worrying about doing anything else short of getting up to use the bathroom. Someone who's in depth. Someone who thinks about the other person because they have empathy.

    I'm not coping well though. Not well at all. When I'm really drunk sometimes I can haze it all out. But that's not solution and makes me unable to do anything. I don't think there's any medication to quell how I feel. I'm in between feelings of hating my wife and missing her so bad. It's such a horrible feeling. And because of this bullshit court order, I can't have any contact with her or my daughter, not till after the hearing on the 9th of April. So until then I'm all alone. can you believe that only this past Saturday we were sitting at the table eating breakfast together in our home? Now it's empty, looks like it's been raided, joint accounts have big negative balances, and I'm being cut out of everything I was on - phone, health insurance, etc. Now I have to just struggle and pick up the pieces. For that I'm bitter. But I still miss her :( So much. My Bosmer, my love, why :(
     
  6. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    Even though I can tell by some things u mentioned that our story isnt exactly the same, I can relate so well. I had to move out of our home 6 weeks ago. I dont know how to cope at all. Theres children involved in my case too. I now live in someones living room coz I had nowhere else to go. My whole world revolved around my little family. I just wanna die now :cry:
     
  7. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    when you want sugar, salt won't do. Well I experienced real pain in my heart whem I was dumped by a girl who I would have willingly given my life for. I felt I could not live on and I could never ever love again. She was the 'one' and no one can replace her in this world. For 7 years, I remained single. Hey but, over time, I met someone whom I could love despite all along thinking that I can never love again after the 'one'.
     
  8. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    wow, Scouse that's how I feel. Pretty much exactly :cry:

    Worst part is I ache for my wife the most. I miss my daughter direly too.

    For christmas, my sister-in-law got my parents a small snow globe that has a picture of their two grand children - my niece and my daughter. Last night my niece (3 years-old) picked it up and pointed to the side with my daughter on it and said, "There's -my daughter's name-". I said, "yeah, I miss her". My niece: Yeah, me too (in such a sweet voice).

    I had to turn away. The tears ran down my face so hard. Like they do now.

    I don't know if I can do this over time :( I waited so long alone when I was younger. Now I'm 27, married for 7 years. I don't think I can wait again. Even worse, my life, my love, is gone too. Ripped away by her own claws.
     
  9. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how u feel mate :hug: sorry that I cant help x
     
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