I hope it's okay for me to just ramble what's going on in my mind at the moment, I don't have anyone else to talk to... I read the thread about not slitting your wrists- it's a good tip. I have cut my wrists so many times and on at least half of those occasions I was rushed to hospital with major bleeding issues. So firstly, please no one do that. It's crazy dangerous. But I find myself thinking of self harm again, after 3 months of refraiming from it, I now can't get it out of my head. I know I risked my life many times while in the grip of self harm, and in a way I am scared to go back. But I range from feeling every emotion, all bubbling up inside of me with no where to go, to feeling completely numb. I have been thinking about breaking a finger or two, but even that seems pretty hardcore. That's a distinction I never saw when things were worse. I don't know, I need to do it but for the first time I am afraid of what I'm capable of. I wish I didn't care, when I was really ill I didn't care if I lived or died and now I kinda do. And I hate it. This might sound like some stupid girl but I guess it's late and I'm alone. I haven't been taking my meds recently. it feels good to tell someone that. I hate that I have to pop pills to be normal. What is normal anyway?! I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to die but I can't live like this... Sorry to go on.