when you're trying to quit *poss trig*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Vawny, Mar 27, 2009.

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  1. Vawny

    Vawny Member

    I hope it's okay for me to just ramble what's going on in my mind at the moment, I don't have anyone else to talk to...

    I read the thread about not slitting your wrists- it's a good tip. I have cut my wrists so many times and on at least half of those occasions I was rushed to hospital with major bleeding issues. So firstly, please no one do that. It's crazy dangerous.

    But I find myself thinking of self harm again, after 3 months of refraiming from it, I now can't get it out of my head. I know I risked my life many times while in the grip of self harm, and in a way I am scared to go back. But I range from feeling every emotion, all bubbling up inside of me with no where to go, to feeling completely numb. I have been thinking about breaking a finger or two, but even that seems pretty hardcore. That's a distinction I never saw when things were worse.

    I don't know, I need to do it but for the first time I am afraid of what I'm capable of. I wish I didn't care, when I was really ill I didn't care if I lived or died and now I kinda do. And I hate it. This might sound like some stupid girl but I guess it's late and I'm alone.

    I haven't been taking my meds recently. it feels good to tell someone that. I hate that I have to pop pills to be normal. What is normal anyway?!

    I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to die but I can't live like this... Sorry to go on.
  2. miracletome

    miracletome Active Member

    :sad: i wish i can help but im not a cutter myself
    you should take your medication if it'll prevent you from thinking of wanting to do self harm. i think its great that you care to live! that means you want to try to better yourself as a person. try to think more positive thoughts.
  3. Vawny

    Vawny Member

    Thank you for your reply, it means alot to me. I think I have things straighter in my head now, but after no sleep at all last night, it's all a little bit fuzzy. I will start taking my meds again, I have felt different since I stopped. When I first missed a dose it was an innocent mistake and then I just thought 'do I even still need these?' Turns out the answer is yes, I do. I have been in hysterics all week, crying over everything, unable to sleep terrible urge to self harm. The way I feel now I'd rather be more emotionally stable than how this week has been, even though it means I have to take pills. It really did help to get it all down, even if it doesn't make much sence to anyone else. So, thank you! xx
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