I don't think there has been a week in the past few years where i haven't thought up a new way to kill myself. The reason i didn't was my mum was pregnant, but now i have a sister. I didn't want her growing up not knowing her brother and the only reason I'm here is because of her. But now i have thoughts daily and sometimes i don't think about her. I'm not a selfish guy, much the opposite. But i've had enough. I don't see much point explaining my reasons because what would change. I don't see why people would want to know how as it may give others different ideas. It is just to document that at this moment in time, i could walk out of my house and end it all. I'm not going to right now, but there may be a point where my emotions step too far. I have waves of depression, sometimes I'm fine but it feels fake and a coverup. People stop looking and my face drops and my facade disappears. Is it better to do it asap so my sister doesn't know me as much? (She's 2), should i have done it ages ago when she didn't know me (but the shock to my mum might have caused my sister harm), or should i wait till i can't take anymore and when i no longer care?