Where Am I... Please help me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ScarsandHopes, Dec 12, 2008.

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  1. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    I've been here before. Open scars, no hope (Hint the name, eh?). I've felt this before... The feeling like I just can't lift another muscle, the only thing that is motivating me to write this is some inkling of saneness I have in my mind.

    My body is so tense it feels like it's going to snap, I can't stop crying, my leg is now bleeding on the floor, the music I'm listening to doesn't even sound like words. Everything is muffled so badly... My hand won't stop bleeding either, glass is a bitch. The burns on my body are starting to feel like they're real, but aren't they? I don't remember doing them, but here they are, oxygen filling them.

    What's wrong with me? Where am I? How can I wake up tomorrow if I feel like this.... How will I even make it to my bed. My legs are so numb and nimble, almost like they're asleep. It's like I'm dreaming, and everything around me is fictional.. I wish it was, I wish I could just wake up and smile for once. WHAT DOES IT TAKE?! How long must I wait for this feeling to go away. It's so cold, and I'm tired. I left the window open hoping it would wake me up from this dream. Where am I, I'm so scared, where is the right way. Please, help me, I can't take this anymore. It's so cold, it's eerie, I'm so tired.
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    I don't really know what to say. But I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I've felt the way you've desribed before, and I'm sure many others on SF have as well. I'm so sorry that it's this bad for you right now. I wish I could say it'll all be better, but I'm not a furtune teller. I guess I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope. That there will be a tomorrow and you can start all over. A new day. If you want to talk, I'm here to listen. PM me anytime. Get some rest, hun... you need it i'm sure. Again, you aren't alone. :hug:
  3. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I have felt that feeling before.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Scarsandhopes,

    Have you received any help for your SH? Are you on medication for your depression? The first step to getting better is to be honest. Be honest with yourself, you can't go on like this. There are plenty of resources available. Doctors,therapists(many kinds), helplines,self help books etc.. Ending it all is not the only option. I hope you get the help you need and deserve soon hun, I'm always here if you need to talk :hug:

  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi scarsandhopes. I could almost feel your pain as I was reading your post. I hope that you have disinfected and bandaged up your wounds. Please be careful when you're feeling so low. Harming yourself only makes a bad situation worse. I want to help you but there isn't much that I can really do, but offer my loving words of support. Please try to resist the urge to self harm. :hug: :hug:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Do you know what is behind your urge to self harm? Is it a way to escape something? Is it for distraction? Is it because you think you deserve to hurt? If you are able to identify the cause behind the thoughts, you can begin to battle them. Have you talked to someone about this?
  7. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    The cause behind the thoughts... Yes, I know exactly what it is. Me...

    An example, tonight I screwed my life up (most likely) because I was a moron.

    I went out with a couple of 'friends'.. I got drunk, drove, screwed one of my exes, got more drunk, watched a movie and then drove home perhaps hitting a car, there is paint on mine. I don't know.

    The cause is me, plain and simple, the only way to fix it is by eliminating the cause (otherwise known as me). This is the only answer I can come up with..

    And you know why my typing is good? I have experience with it. The great state of IL deemed me an alcoholic at 15. So, even worse, I can't find solitary anywhere I go... I'm so fucked up and nothing seems like it can or will help me.

    I did this to myself, and now it's time to undo it...
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