where are my options

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forgetit, May 4, 2014.

  1. forgetit

    forgetit New Member

    I've had a rough life. Everyone always thinks I have it easy. But its the complete opposite. Let me introduce myself. Im Rachel. A 15 year old in my sophomore year of high school. And can I just say my life is a living hell. My parents have been divorced since I was 10. And that was the start of a different me. First time I started cutting was last year,I stopped for a bit and picked up the habit again last month. My mom has this boyfriend. We all HATE him. But she doesn't understand that. Hes a complete douche. Always has these negative comments to make about me/my body. As in calling me fat. And I'm extremely insecure. I've always been bullied about my weight. I'm not skinny. Im 174 Ibs and only 5'5. So I do have a lot of extra fat hanging around. I get it. But waking up everyday and being reminded of it kills me. And this douche gets it right on. Lately things have been getting worse. Anything that happens in the house is my fault so I get bitched at just about everyday. Even if its my brothers and not me. Last month I was seriously considering ending it. I was to the point where I had my mind set on doing it. But I didnt. I wish I did. Instead I cut. Over and over and over again. My arm is filled with them. I cant help but take it out on my arm. Like tonight.. I made 7 new marks.. each because of the douche bag. He tries to block out my dad from my life. He tries so hard to overpower everyone. And it got to me. I want out. Im trying to move out and in with my best friend. My mom doesn't like that. And I'm not staying here with them for another 2 years. What are my options? Is there a chance for me? Or what..
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello Forgetit. My heart goes out to you in your trials. I went through a similar situation with my step-dad. Have you talked to your mom? Unfortunately; my mom married my tormentor before he began tormenting me. He is a drug addict. Is your mom's boyfriend a drug addict? If so it can be easier to forgive him. Drugs make people act like they normally wouldn't act. If not he is still mentally off. This can help you forgive him. Perhaps in some totally screwed up way he is trying to motivate you to become a healthier person. That's a positive intention even though it's delivered negatively. I wish I had my faith when I was going through my trials. It would have helped me forgive my step-dad before the damage happened. My low self-esteem influenced me dramatically. I got into the wrong crowds and nearly killed myself through carelessness because of it. No matter how you are able to forgive him; please use all your energy to try. Let his hateful words slide off your back like water on a duck. Pity this disturbed individual and try to see the good behind the negative.

    Next time he calls you fat, thank him for caring about your health. Ask him how he would like to help you lose the extra weight? Gym membership, healthy food, etc. Lemme know what he says. I know a social worker that explains that there is a positive message behind people's negative words. We are just terrible communicators. If we can train our ears to listen with our hearts than we can forgive even the most offensive remarks. I trust this and it has been proven to me.

    I will check back for your replies.
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi Rachel.

    Firstly - welcome to SF.

    I can appreciate what parental divorce can do to a family - I was 12 when my dad walked out on my mum.

    In reference to your situation I can suggest an option that hasn't been mentioned yet. Ever thought about living with your dad? Or another relative? It's not the worst to stay with a friend - but if the friendship breaks down you could end up having to go back to where you don't want to be (ie, where you are now).

    What are your brothers like with this "step-dad"? Is he the kind of person that mistreats women only (sounds like it to me if your brothers get away with things that then get pinned on you) - and it also sounds like he is nothing more than an immature bully who will - if need be - use whatever tactic he can to control everything to the point your life isn't your own.

    I suggest you keep making tracks to move out though - as it doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you, and the stress is probably not helping the weight levels. (my partner - left her ex a while back and within a month had lost 14lbs - stress and freedom from controlling/manipulative behaviour helped enormously).