Well, im sitting here... alone like usual. next week is exams which i don't give a fuck about and I have 1 more semester to go til im done high school... but Im scared shitless of what happens after high school. I fear being alone even more. I've tried socializing, i've made a few friends this semester but none of them really care, I can see it and feel it when I talk to them on msn, it's always me starting the conversation. What the fuck more does this world want from me. I see work as pain, thats why I don't want to do college or anything, I just wish for something as simple as affection at the least. Days like these, I just try to keep my mood up, hiding the fact that I have no clue where I am going in life. Even if I find some job, I know nothing will make me happy but to have her back in my life, but shes gone away for good. Just a memory now, just another reason to drop all the cards. NOTHING seems to matter when all I think about is the past and when she cared about me, but it's all just a memory. I can't stand all the liars that say they care but they don't. I asked this girl who became my friend on msn if she enjoys talking to me and she said yes, but at during my last days of the semester in the same class as her, it's like she can't stand the sight of me. What did i do wrong? Why couldn't she be honest? Is this the point where I get by on my fucking own again? I thought people become friends so they care about each other. I don't understand people, Ive tried but I dont want to anymore. Its like having the choice of either staying sad to keep my mood steady or have all these highs and lows and feel every depthness of each blow. I'm not asking for the world, just a little caring. Just some caring so I can feel alive again. I know i'm picky about girls but maybe thats my problem, but what's the self-acknowledgement when you get what you didn't want in the end? If someone spent the time to read my little ramble about life, then thanks. I mean it. I always have all these thoughts I want to say but even posting on an online forum I can't be truely true to emotions because of this stupid fuckign anxiety. Anyways, Id like to know how peoples lives went after high school, if anyone cares to share. What happens to someone who doesn't know what they want anymore after time? And anyone can add me on msn if they want, like Im tired of waiting on a person to talk to me like they want to. firstname.lastname@example.org sorry if I asked for too much, sorry If I did say something wrong, sorry for being a little waste of data on this forum. I mean it.