Where can I go?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by EmbersOfAFallingStar, Mar 8, 2011.

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  1. I'm dying of suicide. It is a cancer that manifested itself in my heart and mind and I'm desperately seeking treatment.

    I don't have health insurance. I work two full time jobs and have no time. I have almost as many bills as I have income and am getting calls from the collections agency my ex-therapist sent my account to after I told get I could no longer afford to keep seeing her since the insurance I had at the time wasn't covering my visits.

    I'm hurting, and I'm afraid. I want help but I'm overwhelmed and cant afford to check into any type of mental care. The only free mental clinic I know of only accepts medicaid patients, and I make too much to qualify.

    What can I do to get help? I'm terrified. I need a psychiatrist. I need a break. I need a hug. But I have nowhere to go.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    do you have 211 where you live? it's a telephone number for referrals to social service agencies. you can call and explain that you make too much for medicaid but need mental health services badly. they can refer you to somewhere with a sliding scale. please don't give up.

    another thing people have tried is local university departments of psychiatry or psychology. often you can see a PhD student at low or no cost. It's part of their training.

    in the meantime use the telephone helplines to get you through the worst of things. suicide hotlines are great. i used the one in ireland frequently. they really helped when i was feeling pretty desperate. do you know the number? i can look it up for you. you are in the states, right?
  3. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I was gonna say pretty much the same thing. Phoning a couple hotlines should help point you in the right direction or, if the hotline is particularly accommodating, they'll give you a specific plan for how to get what you need.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    I wish that I could give you some real hugs!

    do you have any relatives that you could turn to for support?
  5. I'm married, and I am so in love and satisfied with my relationship. I don't have much in life to complain about and that is what makes this even worse. I have a disease, and I need treatment or I will die. It's not a matter of 'if' right now because I know that I am going to die from this depression.

    I am terrified of calling people, especially for something like this. I don't want my employers to know I'm this bad.I'm also afraid they'll say they can't help me.

    I just want it to go away. I wish I could be one of those people to whom genuine happiness comes so easily.
  6. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Depression is like that. Unfortunately, over time, it tends to just get worse and worse.

    If what you say is true and you have people who care about you, then they'll want you to be okay. You say you don't want people finding out--but if you're in a crisis situation where your depression reaches the point of total despair, they'll notice you're not yourself. It's impossible to hide it forever, especially if you reach acutely suicidal status. You can expect pretty reasonably that one person's going to ask something along the lines of, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

    Even just confiding in one person can lift some of the burden off your shoulders.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Dazzle.. Call the hotlines.. If your in the states then go down to social services..They can steer you in the right direction..
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Have you told your (husband? wife?) about what is going on?

    I don't know if you quit one of the jobs, that you would be able to get medicaid then.

    sounds better than quitting life.

    wow, I bet if you could just beat this depression that your life would probably be pretty good.
  9. Got a promotion at the job I actually like, so I may be quitting the other one. It's certainly a step in the right direction, as I will now have a little time on my hands to take care of me. Unfortunately, my friend and family will see it as an opportunity to overwhelm me with demands, requests, and invitations to go out. I hate going out. I can't leave my front step without having a heart attack. If I say no, I'll feel guilty.

    Hubby checks my texts and emails for me while I'm driving, and he found my forum post. It's okay, he knows I'm sick. I don't think he knew it was this close to fatal, since I'm horribly uncomfortable talking about it. Nobody knows I'm teetering.

    I hoped to be a mom, but we are infertile. I hoped to be a teacher, but I'm working so much and can't afford the time or money or motivation to go to school. Everyone expected me to go so far, and I haven't gone anywhere. I failed everyone who believed in me, and I failed my own aspirations.
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you might want to read about/ get assertiveness training. One of the basic concepts is that you have the right to express what you think and feel.

    If you are feeling suicidal, yet still don't feel entitled to turn down friends and relatives, this is a problem. Especially while you are in crisis, others need to think about what is good for you.

    If you feel unable to speak up for yourself, do you think that your husband could turn down the requests/demands/invitations for you?

    I don't think that you failed. You're the only one that has to live your own life, so everyone else can take their expectations and shove them

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