Where did I end up

#1
Hi, I really don't know why I am writing this shit but maybe it will help me relax a bit. Since my childhood I have been good in studies, which was like the only thing I was ever good at. Not the best but just good. Had no friends ever, those people who would talk to me needed some help and after I did what they asked, they just left. After completing school I enrolled for Bachelors in Physics the very same year I completed school. At that time I thought I was in love with this subject and will make a great career out of this. In 3rd Semester, COVID happened. I was stuck inside home for more than a year. It was the best time of my life, you may think I am a devil for feeling that way, several people lost their lives that time. But for me isolation was peace. I graduated with more than 85% marks and was selected through a national level examination into a research institute for study in Theoretical Physics with a fellowship which was highest in my country in this field. However as I started working here, after about 3 months, I feel like I am suffocating. I can't take the workload. I have stopped studying, deadlines for my project is approaching for which I have nothing to submit and I am just sitting here and writing this piece of crap. I wasted all my time while I have been here watching movies and TV shows. If I fail this semester I will be kicked out and will end up broke. I will no longer have any financial support. I can't change my career field as I am good at nothing else. Now that I think of it I was never really into Physics, It was just least annoying of all the subjects I studied. I feel like I never really liked studying but did it because I never really had anything else to do. I never even played any games, what a wasted youth. No one would have ever wanted to play with me anyway. I have ended up obese and with severe eye problems. My financial support comes from research but now I can't concentrate, I can't even study for 10 minutes straight. What do I do now? Change career, not possible. Live like this, I am trembling with fear thinking about my future. Will I be able to eat next month? My family used to provide me some financial help but they can't now. They got problem of their own and now are looking up to me. I am just going to blow it all up.
 
#2
First, a very big hug to you!

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. And b-r-e-a-t-h-e again.

I'm in the U.S., so anything I share is based on a West Coast, U.S.-based perspective.

Problem-solving: what amenities does your university provide? A cafeteria? Student discounts? Is there a food pantry nearby?

A lot of people get VERY overwhelmed this time of year. That equation is compounded when you are in school of any sort. It becomes trigonometry at the university level. And you are in a physics program?!?! That's impressive.

Are you hydrated (have you drank enough water)? Are you eating nutritious food? Have you walked outside? Taken a shower? Fresh clothes?

When are your projects/assignments due? Can you email your professor and explain you are over-burdened and ask about extensions?

Any of us can only take One Day At A Time. And, sometimes, we take it a few minutes at a time.

Rest is your friend when you are feeling overwhelmed. Even if it seems like you HAVE TO DO so many things; you must rest first. Your mind needs the rest; your body needs the rest; your spirit needs the rest.

Is it snowing where you are? Will you have a White Christmas? Are they holiday decorations you can walk outside and explore? How about a snowball fight?

Be gentle with yourself as you explore your world and figure out your path forward.

Be in today. Let us know how you're doing.

Sending warm hugs, peace and goodwill to you.
 
#4
How are you doing? Do you have exams coming up? Is it possible to do some intense studying/cramming? It seems to me like most universities or colleges would give you a 2nd chance if you do poorly one semester. Hopefully you can talk with a student counselling service or academic advisor. Regarding employment - there are always high school students needing tutoring in math and physics. Maybe you could do this? There may be more options out there than you think.
 

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