Some of you have asked where I went. The answer to that is simple. I didn't go anywhere, I've been here the whole time. Sitting in my silent hell. Trying to claw my way back out of the darkness. What happened? It started with an attempt. An opportunity presented itself and I made the decision not to pass it up. Hospital fixed me back up, more or less, and sent me home. No beds, said they'd call if one came available.
One bad decision after the other put me in a position for something really bad to happen. It's my fault so whatever. I made a 2nd attempt the next day. That attempt was much closer to successful than the first. Once again, no beds so I was sent home. Once upon a time if you attempted or were injured or had some significant medical event (which I did) they would hold you. Now with the shortage of space they send you home with a promise to call.
Now I'm a walking headcase stuck in a deep dark hole somewhere, self medicating my way through the day. Today I had someone ask me who I would invite if I won tickets to some event. I told them I don't have offline friends so I would just give them to somebody. Their response "who the hell doesn't have friends, what is wrong with you" and that about sums up my life. At this point I don't really care about anything. I don't care what happens to me. Who knows maybe I'll finally die in this deep dark hole I've created.
So I'm here. I'm a disappointment. I'm a failure. I'm broken and hurt beyond description. The things that have happened in the last month are far beyond what I can handle. I've retreated. I wave the white flag.
[/USER]
One bad decision after the other put me in a position for something really bad to happen. It's my fault so whatever. I made a 2nd attempt the next day. That attempt was much closer to successful than the first. Once again, no beds so I was sent home. Once upon a time if you attempted or were injured or had some significant medical event (which I did) they would hold you. Now with the shortage of space they send you home with a promise to call.
Now I'm a walking headcase stuck in a deep dark hole somewhere, self medicating my way through the day. Today I had someone ask me who I would invite if I won tickets to some event. I told them I don't have offline friends so I would just give them to somebody. Their response "who the hell doesn't have friends, what is wrong with you" and that about sums up my life. At this point I don't really care about anything. I don't care what happens to me. Who knows maybe I'll finally die in this deep dark hole I've created.
So I'm here. I'm a disappointment. I'm a failure. I'm broken and hurt beyond description. The things that have happened in the last month are far beyond what I can handle. I've retreated. I wave the white flag.
[/USER]