Whats the point of the human relations? Other animals are so lucky, solitary most of the year. Why cant we be like that? im sure they dont feel the pathetic emotions that course through my body. I want to go back to being numb. I was alone, and i cant say i was happy, but i was numb. i didnt feel this pain, i didnt feel the urge this much. Im hoping the pills will make it come, they did last time, please let me go back to it. I dont know anymore, i cant seem to let it all out, i write and write, every form of writing you should think of, poetry, songs, a journal, unsent letters. It will no longer help, nothing does. im all alone in this world, i just want to go numb again. it will come back. it must. if it doesnt i will make it all go. i cant do this anymore, there is too much. People arent for me. maybe im just not for people. i should go, let them live their happy social lives, i shouldnt feel regretful. goddamnit, why do i? i wont. i refuse.