Where do I count in this story?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Jan 28, 2014.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's mental health awareness day. I'm sitting here watching all these famous Canadians sharing their stories of being bi-polar, having panic and anxiety attacks, depression, suicidal...just like me. And they all laud about how they sought out help and now they're "cured". They keep saying how difficult it was for them. But they found support in friends and family and got the best treatment they could afford.

    First couple of the chapters I seem to be a main character. But then my character gets lost among the pages of words and emotional substance. The key words being getting support. Actual physical persons that you can turn to. And how true, a real person, there physically to say, go grab a coffee with when you're feeling overwhelmed. A strong support system is the major factor as to whether a person recovers or not. Because no one is strong enough to get through to the other side of mental health issues alone. If we could, then we would never of fallen so far down into the darkness in the first place.

    I have professional help through specialists, therapists etc. I have all the meds. I have no one here, say down the street, to call and say "hey, I just really need to come by for a bit." I have social anxieties and extremely deep trust issues. That "person" is just not a possibility for me.

    So I sit here, listening to these famous Canadians with their stories of triumphant over their mental health issues. And the more they talk, the more I feel myself slipping away from those that can be saved. I feel like I'll end up being nothing more than an acknowledgment at the end of the book, a statistic like all the others like me. Quickly reading into the last chapter...fingers crawling upon that last page...I want to put the book down, but can't without someone coming by and taking it from my hands. I am so tired.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think one just one good friend could do more for me and you and others then the meds they give us hugs to you
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'd be happy to go grab a cup of coffee with you if we lived in the same city! :D
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    oo, something new there. mental awareness day
    didn't know that.

    don't give in. take that step, that leap to find someone irl.
    despite the trust issues
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm constantly told I write so well. I express my thoughts and convey them with depth. Yet no one here really understood what I so desperately tried to say. Sorry.
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