Where do I go from here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 2319, Aug 26, 2014.

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  1. 2319

    2319 New Member

    I feel like a huge pussy, people in this world most likely have worse problems than I do, but I just can't help feeling the way I do. In my eyes, I believe I have a bad home life. My parents are unsupportive, and my family members are too busy taking care of their own life situations to care (though it is not their fault). As far as my mother is concerned, as long as I pay my rent on time she doesn't care how I get the money. I just graduated high school. I don't have much money.

    I've felt suicidal tendencies for a very long time. I just don't believe that I have a future. I feel as though I was meant to die, whether it be from natural causes or from suicide. I feel like I shouldn't be alive.

    I'm in a particularly deep hole. I want to be successful. I don't want to be sad, and I don't want to live this way. I have two jobs, but I just cannot save up enough money to go to college or even get a car, because of the hours I work and the money I spend on rent. I feel trapped. I have nobody to talk to, all my friends have left for college and are living a new life. They cannot help me.

    I do not have enough money to go to a Psychiatrist. I want to go, I want to be helped. I have so much free time to myself, it would be so easy to die. I don't want to die, but I feel like I have to. Like no matter what I do, I will die.

    Where do I go from here?
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Is it possible to speak to your parents and ask them to lower your rent a little so that you can afford to pay it and also save for other things? Or ask them for help in paying to see a psychiatrist? It may be worth a shot. I hope you feel better soon :hug:
  3. It is easy for anyone -- even you -- to be preoccupied with their own struggles and not realize the increasingly critical nature of someone else's struggles. There is also a stigma, particularly in the US, concerning mental health issues that wants to sweep them under the rug and overcome them by sheer force of will.

    However, you are now legally an adult. You are not probably used to the power that comes with that. You're a full-blown citizen, and you're entitled to the services provided to citizens. My son is 28 years old and due to his own mental health issues (let's just say, more extensive than yours appear to be), he is generally still working minimum or near minimum-wage jobs and if I did not cover the occasional shortfall he would not make his rent. However, two things are true of him in that financial condition:

    1) He's eligible (thanks, "ObamaCare"!!) for subsidized health insurance. He has decent coverage, including mental health coverage, for about $60 a month.

    2) He's eligible for mental health care on a sliding scale through the county. He pays $5 an hour and I believe his health insurance takes care of 80% of that. And it's good mental health care, although, this varies greatly by county and state. For his more expensive meds they even provide samples for him so that he doesn't have to co-pay through a pharmacy.

    I urge you to explore your options through healthcare.gov (which actually works now) for health insurance and to talk to your county mental health department concerning your needs. You may be able to get much further with this than you realize. Competent and/or compassionate mental health care DOES exist. It is hard to find in some places, and you have to take initiative and be very persistent.

    Start exploring -- just the personal empowerment of doing that should be helpful to you.

    Good luck!
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