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where do i go from here ?

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takencontrol

Well-Known Member
#1
not quite sure why im writing this but to be honest i dont know what else to do, and maybe getting it off my chest will help. i dont know how much more i can cope with at home, im ready for walking away from my marriage and my 4 girls, why, well, ive always been on top of the kids as far as discipline goes, whats right and whats wrong etc, when i was drinking i was inconsistent which didnt help but its ok since ive stopped drinking. ive had almost 3 years of hell with my oldest, misbehaving at school, getting into trouble, abusive the list goes on. now they seem to fight constantly, on friday the 2 youngest were kicking hell out of one another in the street, then yesterday the 2 oldest were doing the same at home. my husband is always at work and when he is here he just more or less says what do you want me to do. not helpful at all. ive spoke to him and the kids but nothing helps. im at the end of my patience, i just want to walk out the door and away from them all. im currently trying to stay off alcohol, going through therapy and trying to get my depression stabilised. i really cannot take much more and feel in danger of totally losing my mind. i really need help but dont know what else i can do.
 

GoldenPsych

Well-Known Member
#2
How old are you girls. Growing up with siblings there are always going to be arguments. Do your girls know of your depression etc? Could it be worth talking to them about what is going on and see if you can get them to try and get along with each other?

x
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
i think if you can try to get away for a while tell husband you need time off. The kids perhaps they need some therapy to teach them how to get rid of all that anger they are having maybe even family councilling would help hugs
 

takencontrol

Well-Known Member
#4
theyre, 15,12,11 and 8. thye know im having problems coping but thats it, i dont want to go into the whole depression thing with them, it runs much deeper than just depression. yeah i think i really need to get away from here for a while or im in danger of losing all the good work ive done to get to where i am just now.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#5
Since your behavior was not consistent in the past, they might be reacting to that...many times, we do not react until we know it is 'safe to come out' and get the attention we need...as you know, all children test the boundaries at your children's ages...but if it is a concern, maybe family therapy as well as your individual sessions might be helpful...you sound like you have taken so many positive steps to get healthy and be there for you and your family...that is wonderful...so here's another bump in that proverbial road...continued success and if you run away and find a place that is quite, do PM me...I threaten this daily...J
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#6
YOu do have your hands full boy at that age they will push the boundaries I hope you can set up some with them with help of your husband . Your therapist can help you there set up boundaries and keep them accountable if they cross them hugs
 

takencontrol

Well-Known Member
#7
yeah its not easy, my life is just all over the place just now with therapy and trying so hard to stay of alcohol, im managing that just now but its getting harder every day.
 

Louis03

Well-Known Member
#10
brownies it could be worse, they could be boys ROAR! *flexes his man muscles* No but do try to hang in there. You could always try to get tougher with them. I don't know it's just where my mind goes with that. Maybe sometimes you just can't control the kids anymore. :(
 

doityourself

Well-Known Member
#11
Oh man, I remember those fights with my sister, now we can laugh about it, but back then Im sure we caused some stress and anxiety.

I say let them duke it out(not if someone is being hurt) but if they are just trying to prove whos stronger or louder then let them come to their own conclusions. Maybe a new headset with some of your favorite music on it, then when it gets to bad, put them on and walk out the door, and walk until your heart beat gets back to normal and youve calmed your nerves.

I know its easier said than done, but the other option is to stay, get in the middle of the argument and try to work it out for them, and If I remember straight there was no listening back then, I only heard what I wanted, so you getting all upset about it nots helping them or you.

Girls huh, didnt realize you still had a young one (8) at home, but I can say its not only girls, my boys (11 & 6) fight ALL the time, its always something, they looked at me, I want to play this, just drives me insane in the brain, but Ive gotten to where if its not a emergency thing then they need to figure it out. Because when I do get in it, I become the bad guy, and send them to thier room or seperate them, then they are like oh well be good, blah blah.
 
#13
it looks to me like all that's stopping u from taking an open ended time off is, the fear of being a bad mother. but you know, if this is how you feel then that's not the best for anybody. Id say open ended time off. note -- i dont have kids(im 23). note -- ive taken time off from people and places and situations, and it was a good decision.
 
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