Where do I go from here?

I've been depressed for over a year.

My parents know, but I can't even stand to be in the same room with them.

It is an hours walk to the doctors. When I do go I don't know what to say. When I get a prescription from them I have to wait half an hour at the pharmacy to pick it up. Once I have it I forget to take it. When I remember to take them I overdose. I gave up after a couple of months.

I saw a counsellor. She helped a little. But not enough. I stopped seeing her. It cost a lot. I have no income.

My friends know, but don't know what to do. I don't know either.

I think about ending my life every day. I tried to cut my arm but it hurt too much so I was not able to cut deep enough. I am a coward. I am worthless. I hope someone ties me up and tortures me to death. It's what I deserve.

 

Hi and welcome...it is so sad you feel you should be punished especially since it sounds like you are in such pain right now...please know that ppl are here to support and care...and please continue to post so that you can see this...welcome again, big hugs, J

 

Perhaps it is time to go to emergency at your hospital and ask to be signed in voluntarily to get some inpatient help to try change your meds up a bit even get support system set up for you when you do get out. If you go to school there are councillors there that are free to talk to to or if there is a university near you the graduating psych student do therapy for a considerable less money hugs to yo u

 

I'm too scared to go to hospital. I don't want to be locked up. I don't want to waste doctors time when they could be helping people who matter. I ought to kill myself. I just need to stop being a coward and do it.
:blub:

 

you do matter. hospitals are scary, ive gone in not voluntarily so i understand the lack of desire to go. if you feel that bad thou, its a good thing to try, especially if you feel unsafe.

try talking about all your feelings and such on here, it does help to talk and a lot of people here will be able to relate.