I don't want to feel any more of this.. emptiness, sadness, feeling alone all the time. My heart hurts for some reason. Living is never ending sadness. I want to join the people who have gone before me. Maybe I will understand why we are this way, I can feel peace around them. I feel more and more I want to go but i'm scared of the effect it will have on my family. If they weren't here I would be gone already.