Where do you start with this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Winterchase, Mar 10, 2011.

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  1. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    I have a serious problem, I know what is causing it, and "professional help" has been a total waste of time. I turned 72 today and will not see another birthday if something doesn't change - quickly!

    I have all the drug from VA that a person could want, but they don't help, just mask things, which is to say I need answers and solutions.

    So, here I am....
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are here for support I find that just being able to post to verbalize what is happening and having people understand helps. I hope you continue to post so others can reach out to you okay hugs
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    welcome. what's going on?
  4. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    It's nearly the end of the trip for me, I'm afraid. I'll put the whole package together tomorrow and I think you'll understand what I'm up against. But help? I hope so, but doubt it. Nobody can.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hope you'll keep posting and let us try to help.
  6. If you are suicidal, please tell us exactly what is going on and what led up to it.. If you need support quickly, then call the crisis line in your area or try going to the emergency room for help..

    I don't know what package you are referring to and i hope you are not telling me that you have prepared your wills and everything.. You are 72 and capable to be my grandfather teaching me lots of moral values.. (no offence)..:tongue:

    Please tell me what happen and please don't kill yourself.. We youngsters have many things to learn from old and wise people like you.. :hug:
  7. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    I haven't forgotton, just hesitating to post it because it reads like a self-pity-party.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO not self pity self calling for help telling you not to do this but to pick up phone and get help get healing okay call crisis NOW and go in and start feeling better about yourself You post because you want to stay not leave So please call hospital crisis and get help do the right thing okay get some help for you
  9. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    Here's the short version: When the stock market tanked, I lost 3/4 of my retirement. Then the IRS ordered me to sell the 401 when I turned 70, which took another big bite out of it. Then, my mother, who is 97 and in a nursing home, is running out of money and will soon have to go on Medicaid, EXCEPT the state has advised that because her name was, up until a few years ago when it dawned on me, on the deed and they have said they will take the house. Her name is also on what remains of my trust, so that may be taken as well. My family is gone (1986) and I can't say I have any really close friends.

    My energy is gone now. So has interest in everything - eating, cleaning house, hobbies, people, hygiene even. All I want to do is sleep.

    LOL! I recently ordered a couple of chemicals from a distributor and while I didn't receive them, I did hear from of all people, Homeland Security who demanded to know what I intended to use them for! I advised them of what they have been used for and how I knew about it, but I'm not sure they believed me. They told me to seek mental help and report back to them. I'm not going to do it so I guess now I'll be on a terrorist list.

    I'm simply too old and feel too defeated to keep going, much less start over again.

    Any advice to offer?
  10. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    I got awfully quiet all of a sudden.

    No matter, I understand. No one else has been able to make any pratical suggestions.

    I went for a long walk yesterday. Four miles into town, without my cell phone or a weapon, and it was dark before I made it home again. I shouldn't have done that. There are packs of wild dogs, and coyotes even, roaming these mountains. They've killed all the sheep and some calves. And some pets. No people yet, that anyone knows about.
  11. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I think it would kindle you to meet a few people your age. Where you could do that, being up in the mountains, I do not know. But you can find out. It can be a goal of yours, and it may allow you to set aside your exhaustion for a few days. Also, if you can try reading or doing something else escape the issue of money for a while, that might help you see the world in kinder light.
  12. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    I don't know either and God knows I've tried! I know a lot of people, of all ages, but (unmarried) ones anywhere near my age are wrapped up with their children and grand-children and have few, if any, outside interests.

    I'm in to photography, which a lot of people say they are, but.... I even tried to start a photography club, but that went nowhere; everyone was always "too busy" to go out and shoot. I've always led an active life but I guess others haven't and really don't want to.

    I volunteer at the Food Pantry almost every week but they don't know me and I don't know them, although I do make an honest effort to. I guess I just don't know how. Same for the computer user group and the local historical society I "belong" to.

    LOL. I've been to about every church around here. I went to one four Sundays in a row. I was usually the first one there and always the last one to leave. I felt like a fool waiting out in the lobby before and after the service, waiting, hoping, someone would at least come up and ask me my name. No one did. You have no idea how humiliating it was to finally be left standing out on the front porch, or whatever they call it, after the doors were locked and everyone had gone home. It was depressing, not to mention cold.

    Like most people in my business, I seem friendly and out-going, but it's just a facade. Or an act, which would be more like it. Underneath I'm actually shy and terribly insecure, and know it.

    I had a physical last week and got the results back today. Nothing wrong with me there at least. My head is something else. The VA certainly takes care of us, even down to providing lots of free little blue pills and anti-depressants that'll have you tap-dancing on the ceiling. They pass out pills like it's candy.
  13. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I could talk all day about how I feel about older adults and how they're mistreated and discriminated against by everyone else. It makes me goddamned crazy.
  14. Winterchase

    Winterchase Member

    Okay, so here it is, Saturday night again, and I'm sitting here in front of the computer, alone, surfing/reading, toying around with something I’m writing, drinking, thinking about going upstairs and fixing something to eat but not really interested enough, or hungry enough to actually do it. I find that strange behavior.

    My neighbor, whose house I can see from my decks, had some people over for something this afternoon. There must have been a dozen cars parked around there. Don’t know how many people or, of course, what the occasion was. I don’t think they were family. We wave to each other as we pass, one of us pulling off so the other can get by. We live on a narrow dirt road and it takes a certain amount of cooperation. They’ve never invited me in their house nor have they ever been in mine. It’s the same with my only other neighbor.

    It’s seven o’clock and I can’t find anything worth watching on TV. I think I’ll go to bed.
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