Where ever I am.

[headrushh]

it's been awhile since I've vented. and I can tell.


When I'm alone, I think about life, school, and friends. And I cry. Because I am alone, in reality. I mean, I talk to people, I even go to upperclassmen's parties. I have 'close friends'. But I don't have people who I'm close to..and it breaks me in half, and in the end it's a really 'atleast I have each other' kind of thing. I'm afraid of being alone.

I think about death alot. And, I've been thinking about taking a severe turn in my cutting, as known as 'up the road, not across'. Maybe it wouldn't hurt?

Am I depressed? Or am I just too consumed in myself?

I think I am. The other day, my mother and I were talking about something and I went.

'If anything, I need a thearapist, Mom.' She looked at me and merely laughed. 'yeah right.' I was persistant at first and said, 'Mom, I er, think I have clincial depression. I mean, look at all of the symptoms..no energy..etc.' She merely shrugged me off laughing saying, 'If I read every symptom in the book, we'd all be diagnosed.'

Maybe I'm not depressed. I guess I do, and it doesn't show. I don't know. I mean, my Mom works with doctors with everything...

I think I just need to piece my life back together. Maybe I can push back any thoughts of undiagnosed mental disorders that I have away.

I just want me back. :[ Whereever I left her at.

 

[One who listens..]

Although what your mother said about reading symptoms and feeling you have the disease is very much true, most people that read symptoms immidiantly try and associate themselves to them (Same with horoscopes), but you may very well be suffering from depression.
Just because your mother works around doctors does not mean she is right about this, you should still try and seek help about it, depression shouldn't be taken lightly.

I hope your able to get feeling better soon, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, or you can try the chat room, I should be there too.

:hug:

One Who Listens..

 

[DoubledStratum]

Cutting "up the road" is a bad idea.
The chances of you hitting a vital point are low, and even then the likelihood of you dying is statistically slim.
Furthermore, even if you do succeed, it will hurt. And you will not only see yourself bleeding to death, but also FEEL it. And I can imagine how horrid that must be. :sad:

Persist. If needs must, get yourself evaluated at the doctors and get them to write/call your mum. Help is the only way if you're that low.