it's been awhile since I've vented. and I can tell. When I'm alone, I think about life, school, and friends. And I cry. Because I am alone, in reality. I mean, I talk to people, I even go to upperclassmen's parties. I have 'close friends'. But I don't have people who I'm close to..and it breaks me in half, and in the end it's a really 'atleast I have each other' kind of thing. I'm afraid of being alone. I think about death alot. And, I've been thinking about taking a severe turn in my cutting, as known as 'up the road, not across'. Maybe it wouldn't hurt? Am I depressed? Or am I just too consumed in myself? I think I am. The other day, my mother and I were talking about something and I went. 'If anything, I need a thearapist, Mom.' She looked at me and merely laughed. 'yeah right.' I was persistant at first and said, 'Mom, I er, think I have clincial depression. I mean, look at all of the symptoms..no energy..etc.' She merely shrugged me off laughing saying, 'If I read every symptom in the book, we'd all be diagnosed.' Maybe I'm not depressed. I guess I do, and it doesn't show. I don't know. I mean, my Mom works with doctors with everything... I think I just need to piece my life back together. Maybe I can push back any thoughts of undiagnosed mental disorders that I have away. I just want me back. :[ Whereever I left her at.