where I don't belong.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mortdesinos, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    The morning, mid-day, the night. They all seem the same. If this is ahedonia trapping me into a lackluster standstill, then shouldn't I have no choice but to feel numb? But there is a feeling, one thing I hold onto, when I can't focus on my plans or my needs, or discern the relevance of any of my actions. That feeling is one of being somewhere I don't belong. Maybe that place exists solely in my head and has no bearing in the world. But regardless, I am blended, a compromised mixture of who I could have become and what I could have chosen to do with my life. I don't like the blend. I am continuing to worry ferverently about more than I could put into words, ultimately accomplishing nothing. I need change, but I don't see a way to escape. I am repeatedly going in circles, like a blended drink that was never made right in the first place. It seems I am so spent trying to figure out what's wrong that I haven't made anything right.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Stop trying to make things right and just live recognize the blessings around you in nature in children playing in having things others don't.. Try to reach out and just talk to a new person each day who knows a new friend may be made.
     
  3. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Violet. Nothing matters much to me right now. I'm numb. I reach out only to be ignored, and I don't know why.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Big hugs for you hun :hug: :hug:

    I'm sorry you feel ignored and isolated. Don't give up..keep reaching out.
     
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