The morning, mid-day, the night. They all seem the same. If this is ahedonia trapping me into a lackluster standstill, then shouldn't I have no choice but to feel numb? But there is a feeling, one thing I hold onto, when I can't focus on my plans or my needs, or discern the relevance of any of my actions. That feeling is one of being somewhere I don't belong. Maybe that place exists solely in my head and has no bearing in the world. But regardless, I am blended, a compromised mixture of who I could have become and what I could have chosen to do with my life. I don't like the blend. I am continuing to worry ferverently about more than I could put into words, ultimately accomplishing nothing. I need change, but I don't see a way to escape. I am repeatedly going in circles, like a blended drink that was never made right in the first place. It seems I am so spent trying to figure out what's wrong that I haven't made anything right.