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Where next?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by freedom, Nov 23, 2011.

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  1. freedom

    freedom Well-Known Member

    Since I can remember I've suffered with depression. I was an every day harmer for years, it gave me some respite. Eventually I got into drugs and they pushed back some of the darkness. After more years and deeper drug addiction I started running out of space to flee myself. I've only ever had shorter term remedies to symptoms of a larger problem. Just over six months ago I took a drug I'd researched and bought (legally) off the internet and it put me in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks. It erased three days from my memory completely and left me emotionally and mentally wrecked. My physical state was very poor too, from the drug fueled, escapist lifestyle I had been leading. The medication I was put on as a result of all this did, to a certain extent, elp treat the symtoms of larger problems, but quickly made me as ill as I was before going into hospital. A different ill (any change is good change, maybe) but no better all the same. I changed my lifestyle alot when I got out of hospital, it took a little while to start to sort myself out, I've never been 'okay'. I no longer do drugs and I have just come off the medication that was making me so ill, but no I'm begining to feel as I did before I got into drugs. I'm very worried about begining to self harm again soon, or worse still, getting back into drugs. I've wasted a decade of my life trying to escape this emptyness and am no better off now than I was when I was still at school. I feel alone, withered and empty. The only real change in my life, other than having aged, is that now I feel the little hope I had has been beaten out of me. I don't know where to turn next, the 'help' I'm getting at the moment isn't helping and I don't see a future for me. I don't know what else I should type, there's more, but it eludes me. Anyone who reads this, thank you and many thanks more if you reply. Just knowing I'm not alone would be of great comfort. freedom
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi freedom it is so hard when one feels all alone with their illness, I jsut want to congratulate you on getting off all those harmful drugs hun Of course now you will start feeling those emotions again but this time hun you face them okay with a good therapist. You can get to a better place hun but not alone you need professional help to guide you through all the tangled webs Please look into getting a good psychologist one that will help you heal from inside hun
    It is good you are reaching out here because you are NOT alone anymore okay lots of us truly understand you sadness hugs
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