Where to go from here

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Loc, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. Loc

    Loc Active Member

    I wasn't planning on posting here, but I'm so bored I just wrote everything out, just to get it out my head.

    I met her in February. For three months we were friends, I saw her occasionally and we chatted abit. I always liked her abit, but never thought anything would come of it. Towards the end of April, we started spending more and more time together. I eventually asked her if there was something between us, and she did like me. Two weeks later I held her hand. At 19, it was my first time holding a girl’s hand. Another two weeks later, she became my first kiss and we started going out that day.

    An incredible month passed.She was amazing, the realization of the girlfriend of my dreams. We were abundantly happy, absolutely perfect. We couldn’t get enough of each other. To have her in my arms was the highest pleasure I could know. She told me how happy she was. How all the other guys had hurt her, but I was different. I cared about her, I made her happy, I was ‘the boyfriend she never had.’

    But, as it always must, the dream shattered. Virtually overnight she changed, becoming someone else. After hours and hours of trying, I found out she was overwhelmed with life, likely depressed. Everything started falling apart. She said maybe she would be better off alone, that she doesn’t know if she can feel the same again, that maybe we weren’t meant to be. I cannot accept this.

    We are still together by a thread. We have barely spoken the last 2 days. She refuses to talk to me in person, saying she just can’t. She has almost broken up with me close to 10 times this week, but never commits. I am adamant we can fix this. I don’t go online to chat because if she can’t talk to me she can’t break up with me. This is such a mistake. We were absolutely perfect, and she cannot throw all that away based on one bad week. I am willing to do anything to help us fix this. I cannot lose her.
    I started cutting again after 5 months clean. If she dumps me, I have been planning suicide. I don’t want to do this, I know hurting myself is ruining any chance of ever getting her back. I don’t know if I will kill myself if it happens, but it is a possibility. I cannot imagine going on without her, never holding her again- it is too much to contemplate.
    I love her.
  2. Zooty

    Zooty Active Member

    Hey its likly shes feeling the same as you but just confused about it, your close to her now and she might not want to burden you with her problems... talking to strangers is sometimes better (isnt that why were all here?)

    I know you just want to be there for her and get her through the bad times but just let her know your there for her and how much you care about her and give her some space. Hopefully she will realise that you do care :)

    It sucks seeing a friend especially someone your that close with hurting but other than just being there for her when she needs you there isnt a lot you can do about emotional pain.

    Good luck (hope this helped i usually suck at advice im a better listener)
  3. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    hang on for sure if you'd like. remind her that you are there for her and that you are not going to judge her for how she is feeling. you just want to help. hopefully this will make a difference. i know it's super hard to miss someone you love, but it is possible to get through it. please no matter what hang on and continue to share so we may listen for sure and try to help. please take care and no matter what please stay safe.

    btw :welcome: to sf feel free to continue to share
  4. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I know almost exactly how you feel.

    I've been with my girlfriend just over 1 months, and last month she went back in to hospital. We try to pretend like it won't change stuff, and maybe it won't but... to quote you "I cannot imagine going on without her, never holding her again" If she dies, or leaves me in some other way, I know where it'll end up. I guess I'm here for pretty much the same reasons your are.

    I wish I could offer you some advice, or actually say somthing that might help. But I just don't know what to say. Just try and stay strong I guess. It might not be that she really wants to be alone, (Thinking about what I would say in her situation) it's possible that she dosen't want to be with you right now cos she dosen't want you to be upset and worrying about her and stuff. I guess you know more about the situation than I do, so just try and judge it.

    If you wanna talk about it just PM me, similar problems and all that.

    Hope that your ok, take care :)
  5. Loc

    Loc Active Member

    Well we're over. Mostly because after this whole depression thing and how hard it's been she says she can't feel the same. Though I can't deny there are contributing factors that are my fault. Some of you were right.She was keeping something from me-while she was depressed she got really drunk and cheated on me. That's why she couldn't talk to me and insisted we can only be friends.She doesn't want to be able to hurt to me again.Even after I found that out I tried everythign I could to save it. So ya..that's it.
  6. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry Loc :hug:

    I would say to try and convince her that if she was drunk and depressed then maybe it wasen't her fault as much, and she shoulden't let it change things, but I'm guesing you've already said words to that effect to her.

    If she's doing this to not hurt you, then she still cares about you. You might not be able to get back together with her, but keep being her friend, and keep being there for her when times are hard. When she gets better, then maybe she'll feel less lightly to end up hurting you again, and then maybe things will work out.

    But try not to dwell on it, she's done this to try and protect you, not to hurt you. By the sounds of it, she wants you to be happy, so don't let the opposite happen.
  7. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that man...I'm not sure what else to say...I can't imagine how this must feel for you.

    You remind me a lot of myself. I consider myself one of the nicest people around, someone who's looking for an emotional connection more than a physical one when it comes to relationships. For some reason, though, it seems impossible for people like us to find love that will last.

    I hope you get through this. I realize this is not something you can ever truly get over...to suggest otherwise would be insulting...but things will improve in their own way. Just have faith. In the meantime, we're all here for you for support.
  8. Loc

    Loc Active Member

    I guess I've decided what I need to do.I've realised texting her and that isn't helping. Maybe she does need to be alone right now.So for one week, I'm going to leave her alone.See if she misses me. And after that I will try talk to her about us again.

    This is hardly so hard.I want to text her. I'm already doing so much for her, not hurting myself so she won't have to feel bad and hurt. I know if I die I'll never have her again. And that keeps me going. But damn, this week is going to suck.

    I'm also really scared that a week will pass without contact and she won't notice or care.That she won't miss me.That would be too much