I wasn't planning on posting here, but I'm so bored I just wrote everything out, just to get it out my head. I met her in February. For three months we were friends, I saw her occasionally and we chatted abit. I always liked her abit, but never thought anything would come of it. Towards the end of April, we started spending more and more time together. I eventually asked her if there was something between us, and she did like me. Two weeks later I held her hand. At 19, it was my first time holding a girl’s hand. Another two weeks later, she became my first kiss and we started going out that day. An incredible month passed.She was amazing, the realization of the girlfriend of my dreams. We were abundantly happy, absolutely perfect. We couldn’t get enough of each other. To have her in my arms was the highest pleasure I could know. She told me how happy she was. How all the other guys had hurt her, but I was different. I cared about her, I made her happy, I was ‘the boyfriend she never had.’ But, as it always must, the dream shattered. Virtually overnight she changed, becoming someone else. After hours and hours of trying, I found out she was overwhelmed with life, likely depressed. Everything started falling apart. She said maybe she would be better off alone, that she doesn’t know if she can feel the same again, that maybe we weren’t meant to be. I cannot accept this. We are still together by a thread. We have barely spoken the last 2 days. She refuses to talk to me in person, saying she just can’t. She has almost broken up with me close to 10 times this week, but never commits. I am adamant we can fix this. I don’t go online to chat because if she can’t talk to me she can’t break up with me. This is such a mistake. We were absolutely perfect, and she cannot throw all that away based on one bad week. I am willing to do anything to help us fix this. I cannot lose her. I started cutting again after 5 months clean. If she dumps me, I have been planning suicide. I don’t want to do this, I know hurting myself is ruining any chance of ever getting her back. I don’t know if I will kill myself if it happens, but it is a possibility. I cannot imagine going on without her, never holding her again- it is too much to contemplate. I love her.