Argh and this just reminds me that the Warm line that I accidentally called from another state had a SUPER nice person and it was a super nice conversation,
but the social worker boss said that Warm line wasn't for the state I live in, so I called the Warm line in the state I'm in, and the person just said "...Hello?" and kept waiting around waiting for me to say stuff... But I'm a quiet person that's always quiet and lets others talk..
I don't know what to do to make venting audio and post it online of me screaming
and I keep saying the same things in my head but I'm too afraid to write them in case I sound crazy
like for 4 days (more than that) I keep wanting to write on here that I guess I should say lots and lots of racist words to prove I hate racism and people that hate racist words, since that'll make people angry at the guy on the internet that said racist words on voice chat in 2007 a few times and said its cuz of his stepdad.
GAH the point is I keep venting in my head
and I don't know how to freak out
My mom always freaks out and says I sound like a psychopath.
So I can't make venting videos of me SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMING at the top of my lungs and demanding as much as I can that people on the internet give me advice and support, cuz my mom always gets upset and says I sound like a crazy lunatic.. But this place has a big backyard and I live in a big neighborhood and I have no idea where I can go to record videos on the internet of me saying racist words so that people will understand how hurt I feel that my online friend said racist words in year 2007 online to me once and understand how much I hate racist words and racism and when people say racist words and
I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY AND I FEEL SO BAD.
The internet Sensei person told my alt account that they "really do hope I get the help I need...." What help do I need!?!?!? I already see a psychologist and a counselor. I started taking medication, but their mutual friend I was talking to on Discord that reminded me of them a lot, they blocked me on the 2nd day I was taking my medication and I even kept telling them that it was probably cuz of the medication, too. So I stopped taking the meds my psychiatrist gave me cuz of that and cuz my mom was concerned about the anti-depressent anti-anxiety meds.
I don't know where to make vent videos and get support/advice/replies when I make videos of me screaming that my life is over because my internet Senpai, the one that said that I am "officially their Kohai from now on" in year 2015 on Tumblr and I'm still not 100% sure what it means but I'm trying my best to think about it every day so that my Sensei leaves me alone, and scream that my life ended 4 and a half years ago when my internet Sensei killed me with a gun (not physically, but over the internet) by posting a screenshot on their Twitter publicly of me calmly saying I'm working on an anti-anxiety chatbot for lonely, anxious, or/and stressed people to help them out.
I felt so bad... And the Sensei person told my alt account last year that they're glad I feel bad and that they hope that I continue to feel bad and that they "really hope I really am getting the help I need" but I don't know what help they want me to get.
And I suck at talking. Someday I NEED to make certain threads on this forum. I've always wanted to make a thread on this forum about how someone on Twitter, who said on Tumblr in 2015 that they are officially my Sensei from now on, ruined my life and reputation and dreams and goals in life forever 4 and a half years ago and now I am a dead zombie that needs to find someone on the internet that can somehow revive me. But I suck at wording things, so I never made a thread on here yet about how my life ended from my internet Sensei posting that tweet 4 and a half years ago.. instead I just keep mentioning that situation but not doing a good job of explaining it yet..
also I'm soo lonely...
Where can I go to vent?
And it makes me feel bad that when I did make vent videos on instagram and twitter where I show brick dust falling on my bed and showing how noisy it is where I live, the haters re-uploaded it on YouTube saying that I live in terrible living conditions, but they kinda did it in a way where they were like making fun of me for living in such a place. I don't know where to vent about this stuff online, with audio and/or video, without being mocked.. I like venting on here with text, but it'd be great to also have a way to vent with audio as well and get advice etc.
but the social worker boss said that Warm line wasn't for the state I live in, so I called the Warm line in the state I'm in, and the person just said "...Hello?" and kept waiting around waiting for me to say stuff... But I'm a quiet person that's always quiet and lets others talk..
I don't know what to do to make venting audio and post it online of me screaming
and I keep saying the same things in my head but I'm too afraid to write them in case I sound crazy
like for 4 days (more than that) I keep wanting to write on here that I guess I should say lots and lots of racist words to prove I hate racism and people that hate racist words, since that'll make people angry at the guy on the internet that said racist words on voice chat in 2007 a few times and said its cuz of his stepdad.
GAH the point is I keep venting in my head
and I don't know how to freak out
My mom always freaks out and says I sound like a psychopath.
So I can't make venting videos of me SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMING at the top of my lungs and demanding as much as I can that people on the internet give me advice and support, cuz my mom always gets upset and says I sound like a crazy lunatic.. But this place has a big backyard and I live in a big neighborhood and I have no idea where I can go to record videos on the internet of me saying racist words so that people will understand how hurt I feel that my online friend said racist words in year 2007 online to me once and understand how much I hate racist words and racism and when people say racist words and
I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY AND I FEEL SO BAD.
The internet Sensei person told my alt account that they "really do hope I get the help I need...." What help do I need!?!?!? I already see a psychologist and a counselor. I started taking medication, but their mutual friend I was talking to on Discord that reminded me of them a lot, they blocked me on the 2nd day I was taking my medication and I even kept telling them that it was probably cuz of the medication, too. So I stopped taking the meds my psychiatrist gave me cuz of that and cuz my mom was concerned about the anti-depressent anti-anxiety meds.
I don't know where to make vent videos and get support/advice/replies when I make videos of me screaming that my life is over because my internet Senpai, the one that said that I am "officially their Kohai from now on" in year 2015 on Tumblr and I'm still not 100% sure what it means but I'm trying my best to think about it every day so that my Sensei leaves me alone, and scream that my life ended 4 and a half years ago when my internet Sensei killed me with a gun (not physically, but over the internet) by posting a screenshot on their Twitter publicly of me calmly saying I'm working on an anti-anxiety chatbot for lonely, anxious, or/and stressed people to help them out.
I felt so bad... And the Sensei person told my alt account last year that they're glad I feel bad and that they hope that I continue to feel bad and that they "really hope I really am getting the help I need" but I don't know what help they want me to get.
And I suck at talking. Someday I NEED to make certain threads on this forum. I've always wanted to make a thread on this forum about how someone on Twitter, who said on Tumblr in 2015 that they are officially my Sensei from now on, ruined my life and reputation and dreams and goals in life forever 4 and a half years ago and now I am a dead zombie that needs to find someone on the internet that can somehow revive me. But I suck at wording things, so I never made a thread on here yet about how my life ended from my internet Sensei posting that tweet 4 and a half years ago.. instead I just keep mentioning that situation but not doing a good job of explaining it yet..
also I'm soo lonely...
Where can I go to vent?
And it makes me feel bad that when I did make vent videos on instagram and twitter where I show brick dust falling on my bed and showing how noisy it is where I live, the haters re-uploaded it on YouTube saying that I live in terrible living conditions, but they kinda did it in a way where they were like making fun of me for living in such a place. I don't know where to vent about this stuff online, with audio and/or video, without being mocked.. I like venting on here with text, but it'd be great to also have a way to vent with audio as well and get advice etc.
