Where to go?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Manus, Jan 6, 2011.

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  1. Manus

    Manus New Member

    Hi everybody,

    I am not really feeling suicidal and i don't want to kill myself. It's just that some time ago i was actually contemplating suicide - but then realized that it would be wrong. But since then everything just got worse - it's almost like somebody is deliberately trying to mess up my life saying "didn't you wanna kill yourself? Let's see how much more you can take?".

    My wife is an Aspie and has OCD + Panic Disorder. I am a pretty normal guy, but i guess i am an Aspie too. So the main problem is basically just that we live in a small village and the people here are anything but tolerant of people who are different. I can handle that, but my wife can't handle it. If people tell her that there would be something wrong with her or if people don't accept me - it messes her up for good. She becomes fearful, believes what people say and follows it by the book. So if people tell her to divorce me and leave - she will eventually do it - and she did.

    And i haven't figured her out at that time - so one day she was just suddenly gone and took my daughter, my car, my bank account etc. with her, and i haven't seen her since then except through her lawyer.

    Normally i could handle all that, but since there appeared to be no reason or rational explanation for her behavior i was EXTREMELY confused and blamed myself. I pretty much figured it out now, it's just that even though she is gone (and that's probably for the best) her irrational behavior - or better the irrational demands her lawyer and parents make as well as the mobbing from the people in the village, don't seize (she has told them i would beat her etc.)

    So i figure i have to get away and start a new life - but since she took my car and my money - that's not so easy.
    I don't wanna kill myself, it's just that each time i calm down again and try to start over, something happens to prevent that. So pls. don't give me any motivational speech like "don't kill yourself, think about what your family would think" etc. I don't need to hear stuff like that... hell... about the only reason i considered killing myself to begin with was hoping that it might make my wife miserable and mess her up for good (-:
    But even though it would be a nice way of getting back at her, killing myself is a too high of a price to pay. I DON'T want to kill myself - it's just that i really lost everything (i lost my "friends" too - since as i said they now think i beat my wife or something). She took EVERYTHING i had and ruined EVERYTHING (i didn't mention it all). Of course i don't blame her - she is more of a victim of circumstances herself. Would i have realized and have been considered of her conditions, it might have been different.
    But still i don't wanna kill myself - it's just that i really don't know where to go now. If i live on the streets i am gonna freeze to death anyway (-: What i need is not any "don't do it" speech - what i need is some practical advice of where to go now (did i mention she took our house and had me evicted).

    So i need practical advise on where to go. And maybe for a lot of you guys it's the same: you don't wanna kill yourself, you are just forced to start a new life - but don't know how. So maybe we could have a practical discussion revolving on such practical solutions and ideas on where to go. I think maybe this could help people more then any motivational speech.

    So i thought about joining the legion, but i am not fit enough. You guys have some ideas? Monastery - but i am not really religious (-:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2011
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Hi Manus and welcome to SF, we're delighted to meet you.
    Where are you based? Its very difficult to give practical advice without knowing what country you're in.
    Also, are you working? Do you have any other family members? How old is your daughter?
    Have you spoken to a doctor and are you on any medication?
    Sending hugs
    xxxx
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You need practical advice first on dealing with housing benefits and unemployment benefits - perhaps disability.

    No need to end up on the streets as you must be near some city which can offer accomodation if not your village of the damned!

    Have you got any trade or skills in work?

    Your wife sounds like real bad news. Hell, men get accused of a lot worse mate - but you ought to keep away from her for sure.

    Your not the first man to lose everything. That said, maybe I sound like the happy-go-lucky jerk who tells a man who lost his dick that he is lucky he never lost his hands and toungue also.

    My concern is what you are doing for an income. If you are already unemployed it should be easy to perhaps declare yourself homeless and get a roof over your head and perhaps move whatever possessions you have left out - before she ebays them and blames OCD (I smell a rat with the actual claim of OCD - she could just be a moody manipulator. OCD fits in well as a tactic maybe)

    Anyhow, you need advice, a roof over your head and benefits sorting out and so on. You could do with a bit of loving also - the love of a good women, but obviously, we'll put that on hold for a while and you do not want to rebound into the arms of some other relationship from hell.

    Have you got family there who she has not poisoned?

    Alas, there are some women who can turn a village against you. I had a run in once myself and could have seen myself jailed on false accusations. Hell hath no fury like a women sometimes.

    Mental illness is no excuse for treating people like dirt.

    No motivational speech for you but you say you have a daughter. Not sure how old she is but having a dad around always helps. I would have been lost without mine.

    Joining the legion is a bad move. After being surrounded by men for months on end or years on end, you'd simply fall for another wrong-un when you got home as you'd be unable to tell a kind hearted women from a gold digging murderess.

    Do you live near a town or city with social housing - I mean ex council housing which can be paid for by benefits and can be decent property. In many 'poor' areas you find decent flats and houses. Often as not there is a surplus in poor areas and you can apply on your local councils website for that housing if needs be.

    Best of luck and try and just deal with the practical stuff and if you can take some time-out to focus on what job or way of life you can live.

    Losing a women is hard - she was a part of you no matter how imperfect she turned out to be. She is also the mother of your daughter so you need to be diplomatic. Never contact when angry. And not if there are drink and or drugs on the scene. Be civil and try to explain your side in a concise manner to anyone who asks. I'd approach people to clear the air.

    Talk to someone, anyone, even idiots like me.

    There will be more men who have been through what you have been through and hopefully you'll get some more practical advice there as it looks like divorce.

    Open a new bank account also. If anything this will be useful if you have to claim benefits which, if you are not - you should be!

    That might be the first call for you.
     
  4. Manus

    Manus New Member

    Yeah, i should have mentioned where i am. I am in Germany.

    "Also, are you working?" I had a pretty good Job + my own Company and store. Without the support of my wife, i couldn't handle that much work, so i quit my job and had to focus on my company anyway because of the then coming Christmas season. But now i lost my company and store too since the rental contract for my store was on my wife's name.
    "Do you have any other family members?" Sure, but none are close to me.
    "How old is your daughter?" 1 year old
    "Have you spoken to a doctor and are you on any medication?" Yes and no (since i didn't take the sleeping pills he prescribed me - i would just gobble them u all at once anyway :)
     
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