Where to now?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mrjones, Oct 2, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. mrjones

    mrjones Member

    Sitting in my little apartment smoking to many cigarettes. Feeling so alone. I am 41 yo, no job and no friends. My wife and I split 12 years ago and my daughter will turn 13 in a month. I see her every two month - maybe it is a choice from my side. I have nothing to offer her.

    Last time I was happy was a year ago when I worked with senior citizens. That was great. But now you need an education to this work and I cant live on the money I would receive while studying and I cant get any jobs on the side in this economy.

    I have no will to change my life. I am overweight and smoking too much. It is Monday morning 5:00 and I have yet again being up all night doing nothing but playing computer games, drinking coffee and smoking.

    I used to have many friends, but they have cut me off slowly over the years and I have a hard time finding new friends. Now I have one friend but he just had a baby with his girlfriend and now they are busy working on their new house. I think that this friendship is going down.

    Next weekend my daughter will come here and I am serious looking for a way out of that arrangement. Why would she spend time here with a dad that does nothing but sitting in front of his computer from the moment he gets up?

    This feeling of being alone comes in waves, drowning me and leave me so empty.

    I have not that much of a family. A sister I see when I feel like it (she and her partner has pushed me to visit them more often, but I cant.... no energy for small talk). My dad died five years ago and I miss him so much. My mother found a "boyfriend" - a real idiot that keeps talking down to me the rare occasions I visit them. So I have stopped visiting them.

    Damn, I did not see me sitting alone as 41 yo with no network. The thoughts of leaving this earth has become so comforting to me.
     
  2. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Maybe your friend could use some help working on his house.. It always makes you feel good to help people out..

    You really shouldn't do your daughter that way.. She needs both of her parents, even if you are depressed, it doesn't mean you can't be a good dad to her. Take some active part in her life.. You should be seeing her more than 2 months at a time. Maybe if you did, it would make you feel better.. But that shouldn't be why you do it, you should just want to see her..

    Kids need to be put first..

    Anyways, hope you get to feeling better.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you You are certainly not alone now okay Your daughter just wants to know you love her hun Just go for a walk with her spend some time talking
    I know it is hard with depression but i am sure she looks forward to seeing you hun I hope you do chose to see her and keep that connection Keep talking posting here okay nice to meet you
     
  4. yd4

    yd4 Member

    Hey man, it seems like you don't have much to look forward to right now, I'm in the same boat. It's hard to get through the days especially when you feel like you aren't accomplishing anything, have you tried looking for work? I want to find a job too but it is really hard to get hired at places without having good work references which is my trouble.

    Anyways I know that life can get very lonely sometimes so if you want a new friend I can be that person. I'm really easy to get along with and at least you'd have someone to talk about life with. As for your daughter you should spend time with her, just try your best to be kind to her and show her a loving side of your self. That's what she will remember about you the most. At least you were a kind father to her.

    I think another important thing to remember is try not to be so down on yourself all the time. I know it is hard but when all we focus on is what is wrong with us it just wastes our energy. I have a hard time not being down on myself too so I know it takes work but you get to a point where your sick and tired of being down on yourself.

    Anyway keep your head up!
     
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'd like to give both of you, yd4 and mr jones, a warm welcome to the forums here. All the best.
     
  6. yd4

    yd4 Member

    thanks for the welcome Alex!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.