From the beginning i guess. A really short abbreviated intro here.. Grew up being picked on.. pretty constantly in school. To the point that now at the age of 40 i hardly have any memories of life before 1994-1995 ish. (graduated HS in 1994) I was a product of incest, Removed from my bio mothers care at the age of 5 for neglect. Adopted (Thank god) by two amazing parents.. Even though there were some major issues. From 1994 to roughly 2002 i did the entire working thing.. Payed my bills on time worked full time as a nursing aid. In 2002 my father passed from cancer, over the next year a uncle, cousin, bio mother, two coworkers and my brother passed away. sometime around 2003 ish it just became too much. I stopped working, stopped doing many things. It took about a year or so but i was granted disability for Major Depression. About 8 ?? years ago i went down to mental health and told them i was thinking of offing myself. They put me in the nut ward overnight. Opened my eyes a bit on how broken our mental health system really is. So where am i at today........ Why am i here. Because ... I am having trouble keeping myself positive about life. I am 40 years old. On full time disability, I have a mental illness, What women in this world is going to want anything to do with me ? Yes. My major issue has to do with the lack of.. a relationship. Well thats one of my issues. But at the moment and recently its been at the top of my mind. I have not been out on a date sense 2003..