Where to start.........

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Standingbear, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. Standingbear

    Standingbear Member

    From the beginning i guess. A really short abbreviated intro here..

    Grew up being picked on.. pretty constantly in school. To the point that now at the age of 40 i hardly have any memories of life before 1994-1995 ish. (graduated HS in 1994) I was a product of incest, Removed from my bio mothers care at the age of 5 for neglect. Adopted (Thank god) by two amazing parents.. Even though there were some major issues.

    From 1994 to roughly 2002 i did the entire working thing.. Payed my bills on time worked full time as a nursing aid. In 2002 my father passed from cancer, over the next year a uncle, cousin, bio mother, two coworkers and my brother passed away. sometime around 2003 ish it just became too much. I stopped working, stopped doing many things. It took about a year or so but i was granted disability for Major Depression.

    About 8 ?? years ago i went down to mental health and told them i was thinking of offing myself. They put me in the nut ward overnight. Opened my eyes a bit on how broken our mental health system really is.

    So where am i at today........ Why am i here.

    Because ... I am having trouble keeping myself positive about life. I am 40 years old. On full time disability, I have a mental illness, What women in this world is going to want anything to do with me ? Yes. My major issue has to do with the lack of.. a relationship. Well thats one of my issues. But at the moment and recently its been at the top of my mind. I have not been out on a date sense 2003..
  2. Standingbear

    Standingbear Member

    I just don't know wtf to do anymore.. What i WANT is to care for someone. And have someone care for me. A meaningful relationship. But how the hell am i going to do that in my situation? Really? What women in her right or left mind. would want to be with a 6ft3in tall 300lb 40 year old who doesn't work and has a mental illness.. .............
  3. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello Standingbear I am Mox

    Thank you for joining us here at SF. Thank you for sharing your story with us. If you get bored you can read mine below in green. Just know when you are here, you are safe. No one will judge you. No one will ridicule you. That behavior is not tolerated here.

    Sounds like you were lucky in being adopted by two great people. What do you mean by major issues?

    What country are you in?

    Wow, that is A LOT of loss.

    You mention one time, you were suicidal. Are you still suicidal? I am suicidal too. Do you understand why we have suicidal thoughts, would you like for me to explain it to you?

    Like you, I have physical/mental disabilities that make dating not in the realm of possibility anymore. I just gave up on it, to be honest.

    Wishing you the best

    Take Care
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Even the strongest among us would falter having been through would you have had to endure. Words cannot express how sorry I am that you had to lose so many people close to you in such a short period of time. It's easy to get lost inside of so much loss and forget who you are-perhaps that is what happened to you. I don't know but I do know that there are a lot of people who would open their hearts and minds to you, exactly as you are. I hate to hear you refer to yourself in such a negative manner-you sound like a very intelligent, caring person. I'm sure that you would have so much to offer in a relationship. Often, participating in group activities is a great way to meet new people in a casual setting. I think that spending time with like-minded people would help your self esteem a lot. Good luck to you-LT
  5. Standingbear

    Standingbear Member

    Thank you moxman and Lifetalkz. ATM i am in a much better place then i was when i posted this. Talked to Mox a bit. And also talked to a friend of mine. Blew off some steam so to speak. I am still at a loss as to how to.. change things for the better though. Group activities.. Will have to see about that.
  6. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    Hi standing bear I just wanted to say I think you are amazing for what you have already been through and coped with in your life.

    I to am not in a relationship and I can not imagine any man be interested in me relationship wise as I feel I have nothing to offer im over weight and am just scared of intimacy too which makes things difficult. But it sounds to me like you have a lot to offer within a relationship it's not about if you have a job or are on disability it's what's in your heart and how you can care for another person that is important and you sound a very caring person online dating is a big thing nowadays have you ever tried it?
  7. Standingbear

    Standingbear Member

  8. Standingbear

    Standingbear Member

    don't know how the system messed up my last post but here it is again.
    I am on POF and OkCupid. 99% of the time my posts to people on there is completely ignored. the 1% that its not. Its a curt. Not interested.
    been doing that for about 2 weeks. My area though doesn't have that many women.. Negative marks = Smoker 1 , Over weight 2, No job 3, Do not have the fact i am on disability posted.. or my Depression. So yea. not had anyone really interested.

    After talking to a couple people here though i am thinking that i need to get my life in order first before trying to find someone. Makes a lot of sense.

    Ok its 3:30 am here. way way past my pumpkin time.. the coach has officialy turned into scrap and my ball dress is looking like something from holloween. :p yea at least i can make people laugh.. i think.

    Have a good day. thank you for responding
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  9. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    I too tried pof for a while and I found it totally demoralising personally the online dating didn't work for me got myself into a worse pickle but I do know of people it has worked for.

    However working on yourself I think is a fantastic place to start I'm having to work on myself to and be single have been single for quite sometime now but still haven't learned to love myself yet I guess that's what brought me to this site maybe we can be friends on here and support each other huh? I'm so glad you have spoken to some people on here and found some support you certainly made me smile about your dress looking like something from holloween Hopefully speak to you again Xx
  10. Burgundyrose

    Burgundyrose Member

    Hi @Standingbear! I too, have experienced the loss of a loved one. My dad passed away last year and I can say it's honestly the worst pain imaginable. I couldn't imagine how stressful it must have been to lose even more people in such a short amount of time.

    Although I'm much younger than you, I had also beenquite down on myself for not being desirable to guys my age a few years ago. I hated myself for it. and I guess I never realized it until now but hating myself held me back a lot. I'm in a relationship now, however I'm starting to think that maybe I did not have enough time to adjust after my father's death (we started dating only 3 months later) and, well, I'm still very uuncomfortable with myself. It hurts our relationship.

    All this to say that working on yourself is definitely a good thing! You already seem to have a great ppersonality and seem to be very funny :) try and appreciate those aspects of yourself if you don't already! Any girl loves a good laugh, and having a disability or your work status isn't as important to the right person as you might think. It's okay to have something wrong with you. There is going to be someone out there to accept that about you!

    Sending lots of hugs and hope your way!
    SunShine1973 likes this.