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Where to turn?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by MsGagathe2nd, Dec 16, 2012.

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  1. MsGagathe2nd

    MsGagathe2nd New Member

    Hi all! I"m a new member to the forum! My name is Emma, and I am 14 years old! I reside in Dublin, Ireland! I stumbled across this very site, whilst researching "Bullying" advice!.I despise pity, but I haven"t had the easiest of childhoods, although I honestly can"t complain! My younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD ( He is also on the autistic spectrum), at the age of 5!. He attended the same primary school as me until he was 8, and would switch schools many a time, in the coming years!. From the age of about 7 onward, I would become socially stigmatized, both by my peers at school, their parents, and my neighbors!.Quizitive sessions in relation to my brother"s condition,disapproving glares, and social exclusion became frequent ( There was a snobby atmosphere to begin with) , and while I had a few friends, it lead me to feel quite isolated(I then had the added stress of actually living at home with his condition). So, needless to say, I felt a sense of "respite" once leaving for secondary school! It was my opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to make new friends, and for a clean-slated "reputation" away from being the sister of the "weird kid". I am currently in my second year of secondary school!. I have formed many friendships, am doing very well academically, and the consensus is I"m generally well liked?. However, I am experiencing a very truculent period with one peer in particular! In First year, this peer happened to be a "friend" of some sort! I always assumed she was overly snobby, bitchy, and possessed "unpleasant" traits particularly towards my other friends! She never took that much interest in "socializing" outside of school, so I held a somewhat ""weary" approach towards her!. Last year, she was accused of bullying two of my immediate peers ( One complaint was dealt with a resource teacher ( One of my friends has special needs), and the other with with my year head! I"m not quite certain what the end result of the "resource" teacher"s approach was, but I do know that the difficult peer was confronted by my year head numerous times, throughout the academic year! I shall give you examples of the actions trust upon one of my best friends ( The girl who complained to the year head). (She has had a challenging upbringing due to her abusive father, now separated from her mother). She was subjected to physical abuse by the bully,( i.e struck on the head with hardback copies, newspapers have been violently snatched from the grasps of her hands, pencil cases have been flung at her), verbal ( ie "No body gives a flying f*** about your dad, stop feeling sorry for yourself", "I"m glad he beat the **** out of you, "You"re stupid", the list goes on. She also made crass remarks about her medical condition!. In conclusion, her life was made a living misery!. I am very fond of my best friend, as you would be, but conversing about the issue is sometimes difficult, as she is not very transparent about her emotions. The bully also subjected one of my other friends to this torment, undermining her intelligence etc, and making open declarations in front of me such as "Her house is so dirty", "Her mother is screwed up", "She"s such a special child" etc. The bully also began remarking subtle digs about me, which I took no notice of!. However, since returning to school in September, life has become extremely difficult for me! Coupled with my Brother"s deteriorating ADHD ( And the stress of my parents), and excessive bullying, it is almost unbearable!. The bullying started the first week of term when she stated "You know I have a higher chance of studying medicine than you, because I clearly have the intelligence of Einstein, and you are an absolute idiot/****" "Your clumsiness and forgetfulness will lead you to kill all your patients". I was honestly stunned at this statement, not at her actual nerve to say this, but the extent of it. I attempted to not let it get to me, but this behavior would be considered "mild" compared to her actions that would follow in the coming days, weeks, and months!. I would be treated to "Fail, Wow, Idiot, your feet are so dirty, you"re filthy" in every PE lesson!. Between the corridors and in classrooms daily,I experience "Retard, "You"re a disgrace to the music world" "Tweedle Dom"",Stupid" , "Go hang yourself", "s***", "Special child", "F***tard"", "Shut up,"Dike", ""Your brother is f**** up". "excuse me I was talking "( When attempting to answer questions, she dominates every class).She came up to myself and my friend on Open Night, and stated "You know if she killed someone, you"d agree with her" in regards to a girl from a younger year. She also spits at me, glares, knocks me down, pushes me,and sticks out her tongue!. I am forced to sit on my own in the library after school before Latin, as she forces herself upon a group of peers in my class ( One of them who happens to be close friend of mine) due to the fear of torment!. Every day feels like a constant battle to pull myself out of bed! My year head has been contacted TWICE, but has showcased much incompetence, and quite frankly ignorance in relation to the matter! The first occasion she confronted the issue, she brought me into an isolated room, asked for a example, and then brought me and this girl into a room to discuss our "differences". The bully started crying, and received comfort and much sympathy from the year head for some obscure reason? She then apologized for saying "I couldn"t become a doctor" and that she from the moment she comes home to the moment she leaves for school, her parents and her brother argue IN FRONT OF THE YEAR HEAD. ( I highly doubt this as she brags about how wonderful her lifestyle is, e:g her parent"s professions, what functions she attends, what possessions she owns, the foreign holidays she ventures on ( 5 times a year) the list is endless. The year head then left us alone for a few minutes, and the girl whispered "You are pathetic to think I meant that" ( She also stated to some classmates later that she "Did it to save her ass". The situation became much worse, and my year head was contacted for a second time. ( She rang whilst I was hospitalized for suspected appendicitis, and insisted that she spoke to the girl and that she has DENIED EVERYTHING. She also mentioned that "Mrs *Germanotta* we shall say for certain purposes. ( Not My surname), we have to be two-sided about the situation. My mum empathized the amount of stress I am under, as a result, but seemed to take a blind eye. This had lead to not only myself and mother, but school friends developing a theory, that they are somehow related! Thus, explaining her desperation to protect her her. There is defiantly some peculiar underlining reason. I suspect she favors her at least, and this girl is adamant she is God"s greatest gift,(As I"ve stated, dominating the classroom environment( and defiantly the most intelligent student, despite me receiving a "academic achievement award" last year ( I hate to brag, but she didn"t). I have never caused one ounce of trouble, so my year head has no hold over me. I just felt disgusted that I have been basically accused of lying about an issue as serious as bullying! I hold firm beliefs about pro-equality and anti-discrimination!. For our civics project at school she has set up " Anti-Bullying and suicide" websites, which sickened me to my core. I have received support from many school peers, but many have turned a blind eye, I suspect they feel manipulated by her! She has begun to treat other people in the school community in a weird way, but has also influenced two people within my year to turn against me! One has threatened to "Beat me up" ( The bully bitches about me behind my back with her), and the other has began directing comments such as " The only reason such and such is friends with you is because ( *Stefani* we shall call her is bullying you ( She said this IN FRONT OF HER), and "You"re playing electric guitar, that"s so gay compared to classical piano).My confidence has been hindered to such a degree that my academic focus/results are beginning to suffer! My Christmas Exams are set to begin tomorrow, and I fret about the results! I was so focused and diligent last year, in comparison!. The slack of support from AN ADULT, has lead me to become further isolated! I HATE my school environment, the school overall isn"t great, but, I"m craving a new environment!. There have been FOUR teenage suicides due to Bullying in Ireland, and I"m quite surprised about the limp response from the school! To some extent, I know "running away" never resolves an issue, but I feel as though you can"t fully comprehend the situation until you are in my shoes!. I feel as though, every aspect of myself is flawed or undermined!. I pride myself on Lady Gaga"s message, of bravery, acceptance, and tolerance, and will admit she is aiding me through this difficult period! I am tempted to tape/record the daily on-goings, and take a smart approach to all of this!. This girl has form both in primary school and in stage school ( I have sources) She is dyslexiac, and apparently is on the "autistic" spectrum ( I highly doubt this, as she waddles her way out of trouble), but even so, I have lived with my brother"s condition, and even though he is destructive and hype active, he isn"t nasty intentionally, and this Behavior should not be tolerated even so! I am honestly at the end of my tether, and would appreciate any insight given!
  2. historian

    historian New Member

    Hello Emma.

    I've also read about the recent suicides in Ireland, and was very upset about them. I hope you aren't contemplating anything similar. I don't really have much advice about how to sort out the situation with the bully, and I know at your age a year or two probably seem likes a long time, but you are only 14. You've every right to feel crap but even if the bullying continues, before you know it you'll have left school and won't have to see this girl ever again.

  3. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    Hi Emma

    That girl sounds like she has some problems herself. Still, thats not your problem. Does anyone like her, or are they all just scared of her because she's a bully? You sound very smart. Stick with your friends, and my gut feeling is that the best way to approach this girl is by being firmly polite to her, but not ever reacting to her jibes. I know thats hard, but this person wants your energy to make herself feel better, don't give it to her. Don't engage with her. Visualise her as an insect if you have to. At fourteen, things change quickly, and things that happened a month ago can seem like ancient history. I don't want to patronise you though, I remember school was tough. I am sorry this meanie is bothering you. I hope things get better and that your Xmas tests go ok.

    Bear in mind that someone who would say the things she has said just couldn't be that smart, and isn't a person whose opinion of you should count for anything much. Ugh. Bullies. Dreadful. best wishes. Dee
  4. Solstadius

    Solstadius Member

    It's hard when you are surrounded by the people who can't see clearly about your situation or just don't know how to act. I can't say much what to do with bully as I don't have similar experience but I feel that it could have been very helpful if someone older had told me one thing. And it's that don't grow any rebellion in your heart. You are still that young that if you can cope with it through these couple of years with somewhat of forgiveness it all works out in your favour. If you feel isolated one thing you can do is to find some group to attend. I mean like some training or art course but something you like. It has the chance to find some people with similar interests and it really is a great source for positive energy. But it's the case you need to take all the positive in you to the new fields it can be a bit of a frustrating in the beginning if you are under that stress but it helps. I really like you can inspire yourself by Lady Gaga it something you should hold up and find something similar more. Use last.fm example to explore some new music and read interviews with band. I like to do it. Maybe you like it too. Better found out. Anyway one good thing would probably to find some books or artist to inspire you which doesn't relate the knowledge of your schoolmates or all of that popular culture which is out there for your own generation. You can start from books where you can relate yourself of the bravery of some young from some other cultural surrounding but somehow still with same problems. I don't have something to suggest but definitely google about it with tags or something and find some writer from other parts of world. There are lots of them. And I think it probably will help to build some of your very own and unique mental space and if you can hold to that then certainly all the new people you met somehow can relate them to this world. Life in all aspects is actually like that. I'm sure that bully will face the hard times and needs help but it's because her own desperation and anger. If you find that own space to face these hard times and never took up to fight and be calmed it works out more quickly. You are still that young that you have the chance and people will really see it when you are full of good thoughts. Sooner than you think if you're up to it. Because really if you are going to new school and take somewhat of angst from your past it doesn't like to them. Pretend like it didn't happen and I'm sure you'll have a chance for great love which can cure all the bad memories. If you have been some time with new friends you can tell them what it was like and they'll sure be supportive. Just keep up with bravery, acceptance and tolerance like Lady Gaga said.
    Also I have an experience for blind eyes from my parents. It is hard for the development but sometimes life has affected our parents that really kids actually need to teach parents. Not literally but with our act. If you can hug them can talk about all the things you like about some good memories it sure brings up greater empathy in them and you can talk about your problem from much deeper. I would do that but I can't go back in time and it makes me sad from time to time as we just grew apart and now I have to face it.
    And yes it is hard and stressful in family if you have a brother with differences but I see you care about people like him. If you can love people with these kind of problems I know it's a very great gift for your own personality. You are definitely cool and caring person.

    And after all, you play guitar. It reminds me to better pick up mine and take some lessons. I can't play at all. Wonder how gay is that.

    Also if you take up some of my advice and find some cool book then definitely message me and suggest it. I would eager to read it.
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