Where's a drunk driver when you need one?

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patodemuerte

Well-Known Member
#1
the thoughts are taking over. everythings in a downward spiral. everything is coming together, all the plans and such...

I dont want to do it necessarily. I see no other way.

I know what should be done. I see no reason to even try.

The fact is I'm stuck with me no matter what I do.

No number of years in a hospital or therapy sessions can help me. No drugs they give me. This is in no way a chemical imbalance, it is just my life.

I see no reason in stopping my suicide. I see nothing that can help me view myself different.

I fear what will happen in a year when I turn 18. I need to rid the world of me so that none of these thoughts will progress any further. It is for the good of your corrupt mankind. I cant live here, not for me.

Dont say I have a lot ahead of me, I dont. trust me on that one. I dont know why i bother on here. I suppose, i just want some feedback, someone who will listen to me before I go.

I know I need help. I know it wont help.

Its alright, just another week. Shame that I wont get to celebrate my 17th birthday....two weeks from now on the 27th.... If I fail, I will end up spending my birthday in a hospital. More incentive to not fail I suppose.
 

numberman

Well-Known Member
#4
You re amongst friends here.

Tell us why you hate yourself so much

You should read the post called "thanks everyone" which shows that what might be viewed as an irretrievable situation can be turned around.Harming yourself or worse would mean that would never happen

Stay cool,stay safe
 

patodemuerte

Well-Known Member
#5
You re amongst friends here.

Tell us why you hate yourself so much



I hate the way I walk. The way I speak, my voice. I hate the way I hate those around me. I hate the way I see myself in the mirror. I hate my eyes. I hate my appearance. I hate the way I keep breathing. I hate my stubbornness. I hate how I feel like a lumbering retard. I hate my lack of motivation. I hate my actions and how I do things, or go to far in doing them. I hate my teeth. I hate the way my legs always move. I hate how I insist on moving them sometimes. I hate the way I second guess my "love" for my family. I hate how my future inevitably will lead to suicide. I hate being called intelligent because its a waste of knowledge. I hate that I hate how my little brother acts and how he thinks his "friends" are real. I hate the way I still waste my family's money on me. I hate the way I'm going to make everyone feel when I'm gone. I hate knowing that I'll spend my birthday in the hospital if i fail. I hate knowing when I wake up in the morning that I have no one to talk to but myself. I hate not having a friend. Even a druggie friend who could give a shit less about me. He's long gone. I hate how I bite my nails. I hate the wierd dreams I'm having lately even though I cant remember all too much about them. I hate my ex for fucking me up so much and leaving. I hate evercrack (everquest). I hate that I dont hate my ex. I hate how I cry myself to sleep some nights. I hate how I stay up all night thinking about suicide all night some nights. I hate my small lips because I want another lip piercing but they're to small to get one. I hate some of my thoughts as a child. I hate that I gave up sports. I hate the way some music affects me. I hate that I dont have a quick and easily ready suicide method. I hate that I'm not the child my parents wanted. I hate restraining me from cutting myself. I hate the scars on my arms. I hate the scars on my chest. I hate. I hate the feeling after I cut myself, the guild and shame. I hate feeling like a failure.

Theres more probably but this will suffice for now.
 
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