wheres the damn off button?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Aug 18, 2009.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    seriously
    why cant i just turned my feelings off?
    i havent slept in 2 days because its all just spinning around and around
    so many questions,
    questions that have no answers.
    i feel like im going crazy.
    im a lier. i told my boyfriend i was getting better,
    i lied so he wouldnt leave me. even tho he said he asked for another reason.
    ill sleep next to him at night and when i cant sleep ill stare at the wall going over every detail.
    like im obessed.
    because thats what i am right? obessed with my past? thats what she said right?
    i dont want help? because i wont help myself?
    write me off. and leave me to die in a world i never belonged anyway.
    And when he checks if im asleep or not? ill pretend because i cant go through hurting him again.

    the girl i see in the mirror is me.
    straightend black hair.
    brown eyes.
    mascara marks from crying
    rings from tiredness
    unattractive
    unloveable
    and just a mess.
     
  2. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    Sounds normal to me, I mean if a person is depressed or has any other mental illnesses, they would feel very paranoid and insecure and everybody has had depression at some point, some just have it worse.
    Definitely not your fault, everybody lies, everybody makes mistakes, everybody wants things that are good to last forever, in other words you belong in this world and besides if you really were unattractive and unloveable, why do you care of hurting your boyfriend so much? a caring person seems like a loveable and attractive person to me.
     
  3. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Because he doesnt deserve to be hurt by me.
    ive done enough to him to last a life time.
     
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    if he didnt care for you he wouldnt be with you.
    i'm sorry you feeling so low :hug: have you tried getting help?
     
  5. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    yes i am seeing someone, have been for the past month.
    she doesnt understand that i cant just come out and talk about everything in my life with her i cant trust her.
    thats why she keeps saying i wont help myself.
    its not that im not, i just cant
     
  6. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Maybe she is not the right therapist? Personality conflict is a reason to change therapists. You need to find someone you can trust, starting with your b/f. If he thought you were unattractive and unlovable, he would not have asked you to be his girl. He sees something in you that you do not see. Relax and take his word for it. I know it is difficult. That is why I'm here. Try anyway. You may be surprised.
     
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