seriously why cant i just turned my feelings off? i havent slept in 2 days because its all just spinning around and around so many questions, questions that have no answers. i feel like im going crazy. im a lier. i told my boyfriend i was getting better, i lied so he wouldnt leave me. even tho he said he asked for another reason. ill sleep next to him at night and when i cant sleep ill stare at the wall going over every detail. like im obessed. because thats what i am right? obessed with my past? thats what she said right? i dont want help? because i wont help myself? write me off. and leave me to die in a world i never belonged anyway. And when he checks if im asleep or not? ill pretend because i cant go through hurting him again. the girl i see in the mirror is me. straightend black hair. brown eyes. mascara marks from crying rings from tiredness unattractive unloveable and just a mess.