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which is worse

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by hammockmonkey, Jan 23, 2008.

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  1. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    being alone? or being with people? i've been pretty good for the last couple of months. i've been working and making friends. i finally had the courage to ask a girl out for this weekend, and i'm so scared that i'll fuck this up and never be able to show my face. what do you say to someone on a date? i'm okay at flirting when i'm hanging out with friends because other people can get me going. but, fuck.

    if this goes baddly, i might just fall back into a spiral of selfdoubt. . . . back into the hole for me. should i just cancel? make some shit up? fuck.

    so what would be worse?
  2. ybt

    ybt Guest

    It depends on who you ask.
  3. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Being alone is worse. Unless you have a severe disorder which it doesn't sound like you do. I've actually never been on a date but I've helped a lot of the people I know at school with their relationships. Just keep that in mind while reading my advice.

    First and most importantly, don't worry about screwing up. You're only human and we all do stupid things (just remember to laugh). And as said perfectly in the movie Hitch, she has already said Yes when she could have said no. Obviously their is a reason she said yes so just remember that.

    As for what to say, a date is no different than talking with a bunch of friends except that it's one on one. Just talk about random everyday stuff. Movies, music, nothing too deep. That's why it's called small talk, no real brain power needed. Then just go with the flow. Don't worry about what you need to say next or what to do. Listen to what she says and respond.

    If the worst things that could ever happen, actually happened it would still not be the end of the world. You're at least getting experience and that is the most valuable thing you can get when it comes to learning. If for some reason it doesn't work out, you now have a better idea of what works and what doesn't and you can try on the many girls that will still be out there. And if the date goes great, then that's awesome too.

    You're now in a win-win situation, so relax and I'm sure it will be fine.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Being with people is worse....in my experience.
  5. by the way

    by the way Guest

    Hammock, my advice to you is to not even think about this as a "date". This is what causes people to fuck up - when they forget to just treat others like human beings. It's the same as going out with a group of buddies, just be yourself, you'll do fine. (or hey, maybe things will turn out badly, but at least it'll make a funny story to tell later. That's life!)

    I have to say though, I love this thread you just posted in Soap Box. I absolutely agree with the author. That's one of the biggest problems with SF, actually. People are sheltering themselves from "pro-choice" people and avoiding those who they have a conflict with. How can we make any progress if humanity continually divides ourselves? This is the reason why I'm now spending much of my time on forums that embrace a multitude of perspectives. I decided I'd rather talk to those people who I disagree with rather than shut myself off. Sometimes the best course of action is the one that's the hardest for us. As many others have said before, we should learn to want what we get rather than futilely trying to get what we want.
  6. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    i'm hoping its worse to be alone because things went pretty well. i calmed down a lot and just let her do most of the talking, she was pretty happy to do so. well, she's off and i'm alone again. but it ain't so bad. we're going to a party tomorrow night.

    thanks for the advice people, mostly i was feeling low about myself. you know the feeling, like i don't like myself so how could anyone like me? that shit.
  7. congrats

    congrats Guest

    Glad to hear it worked out, I knew you had it in you. She's a lucky girl too. In fact, you were one of the few users on SF whose posts I always looked forward to reading. I could always expect something amusing or intelligent, or a combination of both. Well, now that I'm done with the ass-kissing it's back to the ass-kicking: my own, to be exact.. (_|_) I'm supposed to be working on a paper but I keep getting side-tracked and screwing around on the internet.

    Seriously though, these small miracles and every day triumphs are heart-warming to hear. Let's all hope for a big miracle now: Hillary Clinton losing to Obama!
  8. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    that is such a good question. i hate being alone. until i'm with people then there's nothing i want more than to be alone...
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