I don't want to be here. I want to die. I don"t want to live I don't want to be here. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. But I do wake up. I don't want to be here. But if I act on how I feel, if I kill myself, it will destroy my children. So I get up every day and do what I have to do so that I don't hurt the people that love me, and most importantly not to hurt my children . It is harder than killing myself, this going on every day like nothing is wrong. So I stay. Living with the pain because I don't want to hurt anyone. Is it right that I should spend the rest of my life miserable, hurting, alone, just to spare my childrens feelings? Why is it wrong for me to want to end the pain? Why is it that living a life that is destroying me is better than stopping the pain?? Why is my pain ending that pain wrong?