I went in to the dr office today to get my blood pressure taken again because last time it was high. I think it was high due to little sleep the night before and I was nervous because I was also scheduled for a pap that day and you know how uncomfortable those are for everyone. This time it was better but still not good enough apparently even though blood pressure fluctuates throughout the day and i took it at my parents house later in the day on the weekend and it was perfect there. They tried to get my mom to take high blood pressure medicine too before but she finally convinced them its just 'white coat syndrome'. I've never had high blood pressure before but it could be this white coat thing or just stress I think. But now the dr is stressing me out even more by wanting to start taking my blood every few months (i nearly faint every time a needle is in me), switch my B.C. to a less effective one (even though ive been on the combination one for years without high blood pressure), and its costing me $$ in dr visits which is stressing as well. I'm just stressed to the max. I don't even want to know what is wrong with me if anything, i really just want to die in peace if there is something wrong with me. i wouldnt even be going to the dr if it weren't to get the stupid B.C. pills which i now take daily. how do i tell her this? I want to tell her I really dont value my health at all and only go to see her to get the b.c. pills and thats only to keep my husband happy. i am not overweight, i eat fairly well, i try to exercise regularly, i dont want to take medicine i just want to die naturally. if i had something wrong with me that did me in earlier than age 99 i'd be so happy about it. everyone in my family lives well into their 90s and i dont have anything to live that long for.